Nobody Sees Me Wishing
by nariai
Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! There are some things I want you to know before starting to read this. As you've probably already guessed, this story takes place before the canon events. I will try to write it in a way that will fit those times which means that there will be mentions of sexism and homophobia.**

 **If anyone feels insulted, then I'm sorry and I want you to know that I don't support any of it. (I'm a girl myself.)**

 **I'm not Croatian, so I don't know if I got the naming right. If anyone finds any mistakes, then you are welcome to correct me.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]  
**

 **Have fun.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 1_

 _Soldier Keep On Marching On_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Of A Free Floating Cloud_

* * *

 _wanderlust_ (n.) _a strong desire or impulse to wander or travel and explore the world._

* * *

I.

* * *

Nina Lubanja Filipović had always been a rather queer child.

Since the day of her birth on the 8th of August 1955 there had always been something not quite _right_ about her. Not only did the girl _see too much,_ but she also possessed a very _nostalgic_ demeanor. She carried herself with a certain sureness that could only come from years of experience and should not be found in child as young and _clumsy_ as her.

And then there was also this look in her too _old_ eyes that spoke of worlds none of them had ever seen. Of wonders they could not even begin to imagine and times that have long since passed.

Those purple _knowing_ eyes could not belong to a child.

Another curious thing about the girl was the melancholia that seemed to follow each of her step. All of her actions were oddly wistful and _precise,_ as if she was repeating things she had done countless of times in the past.

As such every member of their traveling circus agreed on one thing: little Lubanja _wasn't_ normal.

It was something not even Filip could deny. His daughter was a strange little girl that despite looking like a carbon copy of his late wife, seemed to be the exact opposite of that woman.

Lubanja, for all that she was a child, never behaved like someone her age. She was very mature and a quick learner, though not in a way that he could appreciate. These times they lived in were dangerous, especially for young little girls that questioned too many societal norms.

Gender roles were something that went right over her head and after a while Fillip had to stop trying to force dresses onto her. His tiny daughter could be surprisingly stubborn and he personally could not deny the practicality of trousers.

Besides, he would never forget the conviction in her voice when she tried to _explain_ him that there was no difference between the young French son of two acrobats and herself.

Normally, Filip knew better, but at that moment he could not bring himself to shatter his tiny daughter's world view.

And it were such small instances that astounded the young man the most. He did not understand where these ideas came from and how Lubanja could so wholeheartedly believe in things that seemed... utterly _impossible_ to him.

The child often asked questions he had no answers to and it actually made him feel _uncomfortable._ How did a man tell his own daughter that she had less rights than him because of her _gender?_

It was something he himself never had to think about before.

Thus Filip decided to avoid the whole topic for the time being. When Lubanja got older she would be forced to understand how their society truly worked. Until then he would stay besides her and try shadowing his little girl from the cruelness of their world.

At least, his own chosen career would gift her with more freedom than most could dream of.

* * *

II.

* * *

In 1955 many countries still hadn't recovered from World War II. It was the year in which the last prisoners of war were finally allowed to return home and Winston Churchill resigned as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

The world lost a brilliant mind in form of Albert Einstein that year and Elvis Presley's television debut occurred as well. Only a few months later Rosa Parks refused to obey and surrender her seat in the colored section of a bus to a white passenger, leading to the Montgomery bus boycott.

1955 was a year of many important events as well as the year in which Eliza Lewandowska ended up being _re_ born.

On Monday, the 8th of August, Eliza entered a new life and exchanged her own name for that of a young Yugoslavian girl. She became Nina Lubanja Filipović, the infant daughter of Matej Filip Ivanović, a stuntman in the French circus _'Lanterne Française',_ and the newly deceased acrobat Veronica.

Not only did the girl reincarnate after dying, but she also traveled exactly six decades into the past. The 8th of August was both the day of her _death_ and _birth._

Being conscious during the birthing process wasn't pleasant, but it still didn't even score the fifth place on her list of things she did not want to repeat _ever_ again. Nothing could beat falling from a tree at the age of five, breaking her spine and becoming an invalid.

Anja, as she now preferred to be referred to, had lost the ability to walk at the age of five in her previous life and had since then been trapped in a wheelchair.

Her first life hadn't been _bad_ nor _good._

Eliza Lewandowska, a seventeen years old girl from Poland, had a nice middle class family that did everything to make her situation even the slightest bit better. She had an older sister named Krystyna that felt guilty for what had happened to her and a mother that did not know when to stop fussing. There was also her gentle father and adorable little brother.

They all shared a home just outside of Warsaw in a quiet neighborhood.

Together, they all died in that home due to a gas leak.

(...Or at least that was what she guessed had happened...

...

... Anja only had blurred memories of being carried outside by her father, Krystyna's cries about... _their brother not waking up echoing in the background..._

... Her father had been crying and cursing their stove loudly...

...

...Anja remembered seeing the early morning sky. Hues of blue, orange and yellow, all mixed into a wonderful spectacle of colors. A few fluffy white clouds obstructed the rising sun and before _Eliza_ even realized what was truly happening, her eyes _closed...)_

She had shed many tears for her lost family, especially for her toddler brother who had certainly been too _young_ to meet his end. Once she finally regained full consciousness—The body of an infant was too weak to accommodate the mind of a teen.—the girl had cried, grieved and _raged._

But at the end, holding on to the past _tired_ her too much. Living in the present and facing her new reality wasn't easy, however, it was much more enjoyable than wallowing in self-pity and despair.

No matter how much she hated herself for admitting it, becoming _Anja_ was the best thing she could have done in her situation.

(...'Anja' was just the first _mask_ the girl crafted...)

By the time she finally managed to _live on,_ Nina Lubanja Filipović was already nine months old. As it turned out, her new father had no experience with children, so he hardly noticed that his daughter wasn't truly _normal._

The man was esctatic when he heard her utter her first word, uncaring of the fact that it ended up being a correction of the way he called her...

...because who the hell would like being called _Lubanja?_

Anja might have not understood everything of the language being spoken around her, but she was still pretty certain that 'Lubanja' wasn't a common name. Besides, she liked being called 'Anja'.

So, every time Filip addressed her with the full form of her second name, the little girl interrupted him with her preferred nickname. The young what she guessed to be Croatian seemed to be completely flabbergasted at first and then slightly disappointed. It seemed as if he had wanted her first word to be something along the lines of 'father' or 'daddy'.

Despite his persistence, Filip started using her favored name after a while.

When it came to stubbornness the man certainly could not beat Anja, thus it wasn't surprising that soon everyone knew her by the shortened form of her second name and she could not have been any happier about it.

Especially once she finally found out what 'Lubanja' truly meant.

Out of all the things he could have chosen, her new father decided to call her _skull_ in Croatian.

Anja was decidedly _unamused._

Though she did have to admit that the man wasn't doing too bad altogether. He was a single parent who managed to take care of his child and still follow his passion in form of a French circus. While not perfect, he did not seem to me _too_ prejudiced or sexist.

There were a few inappropriate comments uttered here or there, but Anja could not expect too much of a man in these times. When it came to acceptance and fairness, Filip seemed to possess more of it than most of his colleagues.

In this decade gender equality still did _not_ exist.

This realization was a very hard blow and something not easy to recover from. The girl had never expected that her own gender would become another shackle fastened around her wrists and ankles, trapping her in place.

And yet, not that managed to make her despair.

Her new home would save her from some of this decade's setbacks. If she did not decide to settle down, the once teenage girl would actually have a _job._ Due to the traveling circus Anja would also be allowed to see the _world._

Being a housewife had never been among her plans and as she actually started to consider her current situation, Anja came to the conclusion that performing as a circus artist sounded actually _wonderful._

 _Freedom was the one thing Eliza had always desired the most._

And this second chance was probably the closest she would ever come to attaining that desire.

Thus Anja decided to live the life she could have never had as _Eliza._ She smiled and smiled and continued smiling even as her new father gently picked her up from her crib.

Her lips never turned downwards, not even when she realized that this world wasn't quite the same as her previous one.

 _After all, purple was not supposed to be a natural hair color._

* * *

III.

* * *

Anja took her first hesitant step at the age of two. It was a very late development and certainly an issue that worried the few people she tentatively dared to... call _family_.

(... there was a great difference between _call_ and _consider_ that Anja knew all too well...)

The circus _'Lanterne Française'_ had just arrived at its newest rented grounds and people were bustling all around her, setting up the large tents and other attractions. A slightly older girl had been ordered to look after her and a pair of twins. Fillip, after ensuring that the young Spaniard knew of her duties, had put Anja down on a small patch of grass and quickly left to make sure that no harm would come to his ramp while it was being unloaded.

It did not take the teenager-turned-child long to figure out that being a _stuntman_ was something her new father prided himself in.

His damn _motorcycle_ even had a _name._

(How come he chose to name an inanimate object Lorena, while he decided to call his own daughter the Croatian equivalent of skull? _)_

Being left alone with a child was not very comforting. Especially because of the twins that found it very amusing to chew on one of her arms. Anja, as quickly as she could while retaining most of her dignity, retracted herself from the identical pair and scrambled backwards.

Lush green grass tickled her palms and the girl smiled in relief once she saw their babysitter distracting the other two toddlers. Her back leaned against a coarse stone as sun rays warmed her exposed skin.

The pitter-patter of hooves alerted her to the approaching horses and when the four stallions finally were in sight, Anja could even hear their soft neighing. One of the women leading the animals wore shoes that actually forced the girl blink in wonder...

... how the hell did she manage to walk in _stilettos_ on such an uneven ground with perfect grace?...

...

...

... never mind that, the better question was how could she learn to do that?

Anja knew the answer almost immediately...

... _She would have to start walking..._

The only problem with that was that the girl _didn't_ quite know how.

 _(In her previous life, Anja had lost the ability to walk at the age of five. She hadn't been capable of walking for more than fourteen years.)_

It should have been _easy,_ a feat most children accomplished before their second birthday. However, Anja did not only not know how to do it, but she also feared that all her effort would turn out to be for nothing. Even though she knew that her legs _worked,_ the girl still feared that there might be something amiss.

Hope was something very beautiful and oftentimes unaffordable.

... And yet that did not stop the slight feeling of warmness from blooming inside her chest at the prospect of having two perfectly functioning legs...

...

... walking... running... feeling the soft wind caressing her skin, those were things she could have only dreamed of in her previous life. Now, they could become reality...

...

...

...

... Thus, as she watched the twins playing something akin to tag, Anja _pushed_ herself onto her trembling feet, her hands holding on onto the large rock that was now situated in front of her.

Too weak muscles barely managed to hold her upright. The exertion was almost enough to force her to _give up._

But Anja _didn't._

She just slowly and very carefully turned around, swaying to the side and almost falling. Her whole body quivered from pain... _or was it anticipation?_

 _..._

 _..._

 _..._

 _With her weak and chubby legs, Nina Lubanja Filipović took her first step._

* * *

IV.

* * *

''Lubanja, _please,_ we have to board the train _now.''_

Fillip was exasperated, Anja could see that in the way his brows furrowed slightly and one of his fingers kept twitching.

''We could just take your _mo-tor-cy-cle.''_ Demurred Anja easily, tilting her head and pouting softly. Her fingers pulled at the sleeves of her violet shirt, showing her nervousness to the man who had become her father.

To stop her from wearing out one of the only four child-sized shirts in their possession, Fillip took a hold of his daughter's hands and pulled her forward in the direction of the platform. ''This isn't trip of three or four hours, Lubanja. France is more than a days journey away from here.''

Another indicator of his irritation was the fact that he was calling her 'Lubanja'. He did that only when her behavior truly angered or stressed him.

''But such trains are always the worst. People will be _crowding_ us for the whole ride.'' She whined unashamedly, a scowl slowly forming on her face.

If there was one thing Anja hated, then it was having her movements restricted. Now that she could finally _walk,_ the girl did not want to be confined in narrow spaces with a bunch of strangers.

''I know, Lubanja.'' Fillip sighed, rubbing his temple with one hand. ''I know that you hate trains, but we don't have another choice. Taking my motorcycle would be even worse than all the _crowding_ we will experience.''

Although she wasn't too far from stomping her feet, Anja could still understand his reasoning. France wasn't just a few towns away and the weather could end up being a great hindrance and danger should Filip agree to not board the train.

Sometimes, the girl wished she truly were a _child._ If it were so, she would not have been forced to listen to the voice whispering in the back of her mind that Filip was _right._ Anja could have just thrown a huge temper tantrum and hoped that their train would be gone by the time she finished.

As it was, the young child just squeezed the man's hand to show her reluctant acceptance and followed him to the giant machine that would transport them from Romania to France. International travels were always very tiring because of all the precautions the different countries were taking. They had to endure long border controls and then there was also the fact that they would have to change their train in Switzerland.

The only positive aspect of the whole thing was that they would finally be leaving the _Socialist Republic of Romania._

As World War II had come to an end, Romania, as a former Axis member, had been occupied by the Soviet Union.

Arrests of anyone who opposed the Communist government were common nowadays and the repression was almost palpable in the air. Many innocent people were accused and falsely taken into custody. They were forced to work in labor camps, numerous dying due to the harsh conditions.

In some areas it was hard to navigate through the streets because everything looked the same. There were many construction sites upon which systemized apartment blocks would be erected in the near future.

Romania wasn't a safe place and only a few circus members willingly left their grounds during their stay there. Anja, just like all of the other children, had been safely kept on the circus grounds and taken care of by the adults.

She had still seen enough of the country to know that the current times were _horrible._

The girl was just happy to finally go back to her second birth country.

Still, she would have preferred not spending more than a day inside a train.

Feeling cool hands under her armpits, Anja turned her head towards her caretaker and observed how he picked her up so that she would not have to walk up the few steps that led inside their vehicle. It was as crowded as she had feared it would be and they had to fight their way inside one of the compartments.

Being a child ensured that Anja always received a seat in such situations. Most times other members of the circus boarded the train swiftly and reserved as many seats as possible.

Sitting was certainly preferable to standing. She could only pray their next train would have less passengers. Hopefully, then she would not have to sit on one of the bony acrobats' laps.

For now, that was the only option.

Anja pitied her father who would be periodically switching places with one of the seated circus members.

''It won't be that bad, _Anja.''_ Filip whispered into her ear as their compartment door opened.

Seeing the twelve people already occupying it, the young girl sent the man an incredulous look and resigned herself to an uncomfortable ride.


	2. Chapter 2

**You have no idea how happy I am. 234 follows and 164 favorites for one chapter, that's amazing.**

 **Thank you all for you support and reviews.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]  
**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 2  
_

 _Waiting On That Morning Sun_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Of A Newfound Freedom  
_

* * *

 _rampant_ (adj.) _in an unrestrained and often menacing manner._

* * *

V.

* * *

She was running, her tiny legs moving speedily and carrying her over the damp ground.

A biting wind blew over her pinkish cheeks and made her sensitive eyes water. Anja had to blink a few times to adjust her blurry vision which almost led to her slipping on the mud underneath her feet.

 _Laughter bubbled out of her mouth._

Tightening her arms around the white and purple helmet she was currently holding, the young girl turned her head to the side and gazed at the man chasing her out of the corner of her left eye.

Filip, due to his height, had a harder time avoiding the other people occupying the road and actually barely managed to get out of the way of the resident fortune teller, stumbling quite visibly on the slippery ground. His attention never wavered from her small form.

He had been spending too many hours at _Lorena's_ side, so Anja had decided to interrupt them by stealing his favorite helmet. Such an action probably did not bother the man all that much, but he reacted anyway to humor her.

(...Anja wasn't jealous of her father's motorcycle. She just wanted to play with her only family member, really...)

During the few years she had spent in this new world, the teenager-turned-child learned many new things about herself, among them that she apparently did not like fish anymore and that a young body could influence ones mental capacities.

Anja had become very _childish._

Nowadays, she enjoyed running around carelessly and playing tag with the other children. Problems she would have normally tried or at least been obligated to solve could now be easily ignored.

No one expected _anything_ from the girl because of her age.

There was something truly wonderful about not having to worry about things like the far off future or her next visit to the doctor. Any problems that might arise were taken care of by Filip who did not even want her to notice that something was wrong.

 _Eliza's_ life hadn't been hard when came to having a home, food or some other daily necessities, but there were still many things she had had to worry about.

Anja was exempt from such troubles.

As a child she had the freedom of not having to worry.

Ducking under a rather large table, the young child once again looked over her shoulder to spy Filip and saw that the man had managed to catch up with her during the small interval she had spent dreamily thinking about her newfound liberty.

And though she enjoyed their small game of tag, Anja knew that it was sometimes smarter to admit a defeat rather than tire herself out or harm herself by colliding with a hard object.

Once she managed to come out from underneath the table, the violet haired girl slowed her pace and waited until her father finally caught her.

It did not take long, of course, as one of the man's steps equaled at least three of her own. His arms gently slithered around her waist and pulled her up and against his chest.

Although she had expected this, Anja still giggled loudly when she felt Filip picking her up, the purple helmet immediately falling out of her hands and into the mud.

''Got ya!'' Roared Filip, his voice rumbling in a bad imitation of what she guessed to be a dragon. At once, the world spun into a myriad of colors and her eyes lost their focus on anything that wasn't her father. Purplish strands of hair flew in all directions and blinded her eyes temporarily.

Once the world finally stopped spinning and Filip pulled her body back against his own, the violet haired girl wrapped her arms around her father's head. A few brownish curls tickled her skin and she could feel him breathing evenly against her stomach. ''You're quite the little rascal, huh?''

Pouting cutely at the muffled statement, Anja let go of his skull and was gently lowered until her head was at the same height as his shoulders. ''You've been working so hard for the last few days that I decided to organize a break for you.''

''You decided to organize a break for me?'' His voice had a slightly mocking and possessed disbelieving quality. ''I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, my dearest Anja.''

''Are you?'' She smiled sweetly. ''When have you last eaten something?''

Filip scratched the back of his head a little sheepishly. ''Well, I ate something late last night and I'm not all that hungry right now.''

Which meant that he had probably stuffed himself at three in the morning with the leftovers of yesterday's dinner.

''But I'm hungry.'' Stated Anja while grabbing a few locks of his soft hair. She just loved playing with it.

''Ah, that's why you came to me. My little Anja just did not want to eat dinner alone.'' The tiny girl was once again hauled in the air and spun around until she could not discern her surroundings.

When Filip finally decided to lower her onto the ground, he was laughing heartily and regarding her with a soft look. ''So, what do you want to eat, Anja?''

Picking up his helmet, the once teenage girl furrowed her eyebrows. ''Iwona is making _pierogi_ today. She told me that I could try.''

Iwona was the Polish wife of their circus director. Although the woman wasn't one of the performers, she still seemed to enjoy the 'circus life' immensely.

'' _Pierogi?''_ He questioned, puzzled just for a second. ''Do you mean _knedle?''_

''No, I mean _pierogi_. They're completely different things.'' Inferred Anja, raising a finger to poke her lip. ''Iwona is making the Russian ones. Those are the best.''

Not that she had tried those in this life, but they had been Eliza's favorites.

''How do you know?'' Filip asked, equally amused and suspicious.

''Well,'' Her tone was a little dry. ''Iwona told me.''

The brown haired man reached out and took the helmet out of her hands. Then he proceeded to shake the object to get some of the mud off it. ''And you're sure that she invited you?'' Seeing her hasty nod, Anja's father smiled. ''It's still pretty early, so I guess we could go.''

Without any hesitation, the child grabbed her father's hand and started pulling him down the road. There was a slight jump in her steps. ''Great! You know, you've fallen right into the net of my diabolic plan.''

He looked at her a little weirdly. ''Diabolic plan? I sometimes wonder where you learn all of those things.''

Anja just smiled overly sweetly.

* * *

VI.

* * *

 _''Follow my instructions, girls!''_ _Madame_ Dubois, one of the older acrobats, shouted while she bent down and touched the ground with the palms of her hands, not once did her legs falter from their straight standing position.

The older woman was speaking a rapid French which even after four years in this new world wasn't too easy to understand. Since Croatian was a Slavic language, it was similar enough to her mother tongue and thus not too hard to learn.

French was sadly a whole other matter.

Anja was only the slightest bit proficient in understanding it because she was constantly exposed to it. The _'Lanterne Française'_ was a French circus which meant that at least half of its members spoke that language. People who joined the circus had the choose between learning the 'main' language and not comprehending half of the things said.

Most did not find it hard to make such a decision.

Anja didn't either.

Neither did she hesitate when she was offered a place as a future acrobat.

Now she only had to learn how to be one from the strict _Madame_ Dubois whom despite her rather harsh personality seemed to have a soft spot for children.

Wiggling her fingers, Anja tried to come at least close to touching her feet. It did not work out.

The girl next to her was down in a perfect split.

Anja pushed herself a little further. It did not work out this time either and only caused an unpleasant burning sensation in her legs.

''Alright, a break girls!'' _Madame_ Dubois's instruction brought forth collective sights of relief. ''Sit down on the mats and copy my movements as soon as you can.''

After lowering herself onto one of the blue mats and glancing at the few other girls in the room, Anja continued stretching herself.

This was just her third lesson and she already felt like giving up.

 _Anja didn't._

* * *

VII.

* * *

She has always envied the clouds.

It was only natural for her to do so. Clouds, with all of the effortless grace they exhibited while gliding across the sky and the boundless freedom each and every single one of them possessed, were the embodiment of Anja's every dream. They could not be trapped or restrained, not in the way _Eliza_ used to be, and despite their harmless appearance, clouds were the origins of dangers like raging storms.

Those giant white dots upon the sky were everything she wanted to be.

(...later, when she finally found out the truth, Anja would look back at this moment, see the irony that has become her life...

...

...and then she would laugh bitterly once she realized that even a cloud could be _chained_...)

No matter how much some people might deny it, _freedom_ would always be one of humanity's unattainable goals. Even now, without one of her biggest restrains, Anja still wasn't _free._ She was bound by the prejudices of these times and the expectations piled upon her shoulders.

The chains secured around her appendages might have been loosened slightly upon her death, but they had not been fully removed. Anja easily recognized that it was something that would _never_ actually happen. There would always be something binding her in place.

That, of course, did not stop her from yearning.

She did it either quietly inside the tent that housed both Fillip and her or a little more openly on a grassy patch outside, the latter being her preferred method. There was just something truly calming about feeling the soft wind cooling her reddened cheeks and watching the other members of her circus bustling around and taking care of their business.

Then there was also the sky, infinite and boundless just like the clouds decorating it.

Anja loved being surrounded by the sights and scents of the outside world. In her new home the smell of cotton candy and other sweets lingered everywhere and filled her with a familiarity she couldn't quite decipher.

(...that was a _lie..._

 _..._

 _..._ her _mama_ used to bake cakes and cookies every day and each time Anja smelled the sugary goods, she was forced to remember a woman that wasn't... _wasn't even alive yet.)_

And at the end Anja enjoyed spending time outdoors so much that it did not even matter that the winters in France were _cold_ , neither did she care about the fact that there weren't any grassy patches during this time of the year. As long as it did not pour too heavily or Filip did not force her to come inside, the young girl favored spending her free time laying on the ground and gazing longingly at the clouds above her head.

During the cooler and oftentimes damp seasons, a large plastic foil kept the snow from drenching her clothes, while one of her new father's sweaters was used as a pillow.

Currently, it was the 12th of December 1960.

Earlier that day, she had made the mistake of trying to rest upon an uneven ground which ended in a rather unpleasant slide down the miniature hill due to the foil she had put underneath herself.

One of the circus' early risers had fortunately been standing in her path, otherwise Anja might have collided with the equipment stored behind him. The large metal poles and one of her father's ramps would have certainly injured her, severely or not.

After apologizing profusely and making sure that nothing had happened to the poor elderly man, she searched for a better place and found it near the stables. Although the smell there wasn't the best, she still considered this place to be her best option.

In an anomalous way, the view there was astounding.

From this position Anja could see a large part of the circus and some of the snow-covered trees surrounding it. Many people were already walking down the slippery roads. Colorful and vivacious clothes adorned their bodies, contrasting heavily with the white flakes covering the ground.

A female acrobat in her dotted green bodysuit and a bright pink coat stood out heavily against the scenery as she flitted from one of the living tents towards the one used for training. Of all the hair colors she could have had, it had to be a fiery _red._ It moved behind her like a curtain of flames and Anja did not know whether she should be impressed or horrified at the random mixture of colors.

Both, probably.

Once the acrobat finally disappeared inside one of the bigger tents, the young girl carefully settled down on her makeshift blanket, the foil rustling loudly all the while. It moved forward a few inches, but stopped as soon as Anja was finally laying comfortably on her back.

The sky was very lovely that particular morning.

Different shades of blue colored its wide expanse, only a sparse few fluffy clouds that reminded her of headless sheep hiding some of its beauty. They floated across their home, always there and yet never restrained.

A few warm sun rays crawled up her legs towards her torso, the branches of a tree to her right protected her eyes from the blinding light. Thousand of diamonds seemed to cover some of the untouched patches of snow when a sunbeam hit them in just the right way.

Pulling her red scarf—Surprisingly, the color did not clash as horribly with her hair as she had previously thought it would.—over her mouth and cheeks, Anja adjusted her position on the makeshift pillow and turned her gaze once again to the sky.

Delight and melancholia bloomed inside her chest, clashing horribly with each other.

In her previous life, the girl had spent many hours in her family's garden cloud-gazing. It had been one of her favorite pastimes. Krystyna sometimes joined her and they would play a game of identifying and naming the clouds above them. If they did not have a distinct shape, they had always called them cotton candy.

 _Anja missed her sister terribly._

She yearned for her company and witty jokes in a way completely different than her longing for freedom. The most important difference between the two was that she had known the former, while the latter would forever be out of her reach.

That applied to her sister as well now.

 _They would never see each other again._

It _hurt_ to even think about it and led to Anja wishing more than once that she could just _forget._ But then she noticed that she was indeed slowly forgetting the details of her old life—What used to be her tutors name? Which eye color did Eliza have? How did her sister _look like?_ —and started to despair because of it.

If she did not remember her old family, who would?

As such, she tried to recall their fading images, losing some of their features each time. Her _mama's_ hair color had long since faded from her memory, the smile of her first father followed soon afterwards.

Memories, impressions and feelings, they were all slowly disappearing.

The human mind wasn't made to remember every little sensation. It wasn't infallible.

To stop this _nightmarish_ process—And it was indeed nightmarish. Who would Anja be without the memories of her previous life?—she tried preserving their faces in form of drawings, but she unfortunately had no talent when it came to such arts.

Thus she continued to forget the specifics of who she once was and those who had lived at her side.

And yet, Anja had to admit that it all sounded much more dramatic than it actually was. All this information was fading very slowly and she very much doubted that she would ever truly forget _where_ she had actually come from. The particularities might be less detailed in the future, however, they would never fully disappear.

It did not make her feel any less guilty or saddened by the fact that she was forgetting them all. That she was happier than _Eliza_ had ever been in a world where none of them existed.

Despite the prejudices and restrictions of this century, there was still an unbelievable amount of possibilities Anja could choose from. There was no mother that tried to smoother her with worries anymore, nor a sister that burned her with the guilt thrown in her direction.

There was only Nina Lubanja Filipović, her legs and a whole world to explore.


	3. Chapter 3

**I have published a new story. It's a collection of KHR oneshots. The first chapter is a OC-Insert as Chrome.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Have fun.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 3_

 _Hush, My Sweet Child_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Where She Follows Her Dreams  
_

* * *

 _nebula_ (n.) _a cloud of interstellar gas and dust._

* * *

VIII.

* * *

Two years after their first training session, the members of Anja's group were finally allowed to choose their specialization. There was a surprisingly huge amount of possibilities to pick from, ranging from acrobats who performed alongside animals to those that showed their talents from dangerous heights.

After a few hours of silent contemplation and a long talk with Filip, Anja decided that the tightrope was the right future occupation for her.

The reason for her choice was a simple one. Although this specialization belonged to the more dangerous ones, it was also a path on which she would have to rely the least on other beings.

Trusting an animal not to get her killed during a show wasn't something Anja was willing to risk. Neither did she want to put her life into the hands of another acrobat during a trapeze act.

On the tightrope the girl would be mostly left alone. Acts performed in pairs were a rarity and not an requirement. Should an accident happen, then Anja would only have herself to blame for it. Besides, she did not think that she was actually capable of trusting a stranger with her life.

Having already had a taste of death, Anja knew with a very clear certainty that she did not want to die anytime soon.

(...even such thoughts were controlled by an individual perspective...

…

…

…which could be very easily changed by the smallest of realizations. Anja's change would come soon in form of the fact that in this new life, she could _not die...)_

This attitude might not have been a healthy one, but it certainly motivated her to get better. She was the one in control of her life and if she did not want to lose it, Anja had to be _perfect_ at what she did.

Anja had never been a truly competitive person, nor had she ever really been someone who started arguments on any topics, however, all that changed when her newfound passion got involved.

When it came to walking on the tightrope, a small fire seemed to be ignited inside of her chest. It seemed as if for the first time in her life, Anja finally had a _goal._

She would become the World's Greatest Acrobat.

(...what a _joke._..though, as she would later find out, one of the most fitting jokes she ever thought of...)

The first step towards her destination was training her agility. Never before had Anja been capable of performing a completely effortless split. After more than two years of training almost every day, her body was in an incredible condition.

She could perform splits and cartwheels as well as run outside for hours without tiring herself out.

As Eliza she had never been so physically active, even during the time when she could still walk. Back than she had just started her ballet lessons and formed the dream of becoming a professional in that area. That fragile bubble was burst not too long after her fifth birthday by a very painful fall off a tree.

For a while Anja had feared a repeat of her previous life, but then she quickly realized that she could not live in fear of what had once happened to her. The seemingly young girl had already been forced to give up on one of her dreams, she would not do so again.

She would not be ruled by the fear of falling _again._ This was something she promised herself before taking her first step upon the tightrope.

Back then, the rope had only been positioned a few centimeters above the ground, so Anja had not quite known what she was really signing herself up for. The whole thing had just been a fantastical idea which she had thought to be easier than it actually was.

Twenty centimeters were nothing in comparison to six meters. This was something she was forced to accept while standing on a raised platform and waiting for her turn to walk on the real deal for the first time.

Only one other girl from her previous training sessions had signed up for the path of a tightrope walker and as she watched the blonde _fall_ onto the safety net below them, Anja felt like grabbing the railing on her left and never letting go of it. Heights weren't what she feared, falling was the one thing that _terrified_ her immensely.

Anja did not want to lose her legs once again. Not after having tasted the freedom they granted her.

But she also did not want to live in fear for her whole life. If she gave up on something like this too easily, what would be her next step? Would she stop pursuing activities that possessed even an inkling of danger? Would her paranoia and fear soon force her to stop riding Lorena with her father?

Was she really willing to give up on this dream just like Eliza had to give up on becoming a professional ballet dancer?

The major difference being that, unlike Anja, Eliza had no choice in the matter.

A part of her would forever regret giving up without even _trying._ The gymnastics on the ground had been enjoyable and liberating and she knew that this could perhaps even become her _passion_ if she just dared to try it.

There was also the possibility of choosing a safer path, but nothing appealed to her in the same way as the tightrope.

 _Anja really wanted this._

''It's your turn now.'' Arnold, her newest teacher, informed her once the other girl had been safely retrieved from the net. He gestured towards the rope with his hand and an encouraging smile appeared on his face. ''You look like you've seen a ghost. There is nothing to fear here, Anja. The net will catch you should you fall.''

Breathing unsteadily, the purple haired child tried to calm herself. She had been preparing herself for this moment for the last few years. In comparison to the acrobatics she had already performed on the ground, this wasn't too dangerous...

...

…

…it really _wasn't._ Or at least that was what she told herself.

''I'll hold you as long as you need me, _ma choupinette.''_ Had Anja been a few years older, she might have swooned at such a statement coming from a man as good-looking as Arnold. With his wide shoulders and dazzling blue eyes, the Englishman had many admires in the circus. His flawless English and French accents were something the young girl envied.

Uncertainly, Anja met the tall man's gaze. ''And how exactly do you intend to do that?''

''I'll hold you under your armpits and lower you onto the the rope.'' He seemed amused. ''When you're ready, I'll let go of you.''

What would happen if she was never ready?

Clammy hands grasped each other. ''I don't think I should do this.''

''Don't you even want to try?'' Arnold scratched his head, mouth tilting slightly downwards. His red bodysuit glistered in the bright lighting of the tent and was wrinkled a little bit where he bent his elbow.

It didn't really matter what Anja _wanted –_ Currently, there was nothing she wanted more than to step on that accursed tightrope. - the problem was whether she _could_ do it or not.

The hesitation must have been visible on her face as Arnold suddenly decided that it was a good idea to take a hold of her shoulder. Her heart immediately started pounding two times faster inside her chest and a wheezing breath passed her lips when she felt the man pulling her a step closer to the edge.

Anja looked down and her gaze immediately settled on Filip's form. Her father had insisted on being there during her 'big performance', so he was standing on the ground of the training tent and watching the panic that must have been on her face. Despite being slightly oblivious sometimes, Filip had always been there when she needed him. ''Wait, Arnold! Let me take over!''

There was something weird about hearing her father speak French instead of Croatian. Ignoring the novelty of that action, Anja focused on her father's next steps. She watched him walking towards the ladder leading up to the platform she was standing upon and climbing it with a grace that showed the years of acrobatic experience he had.

As a stuntman, Filip had to train just as much as the rest of the acrobats.

Within seconds, he managed to reach her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Feeling his touch, Anja instantly relaxed.

If there was one person she trusted unconditionally in this new life, then it was her father.

(...There was nothing that could compare to a parent's love for their child...)

''Let me take over now, Arnold.'' Patting the unwanted hand on her shoulder a little harshly, Filip smiled a brilliant smile. ''Why don't you go down and take a break. I'm sure you need it after a whole day of work.''

''Sure, but don't take it too easy on her. Anja is your daughter and I respect that, however, she is also one of our future acrobats. The girl has some talent and you shouldn't let it go to waste because of something as banal as a fear of heights.'' Uttered the blue-eyed man before descending the ladder. His words were harsh and seemed to irritate Anja's father.

When Arnold was finally out of earshot, Filip knelt down in front of her. ''You know, Arnold doesn't really mean all that in a bad way. This, of course, doesn't mean that I share his opinion.'' He brushed some of the locks that had managed to escape their braid from her face. ''You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Yet you shouldn't forget that he wasn't wrong when he said that you were talented in this area. You have the potential to become a great acrobat some day, Anja.''

A shaky smile appeared on her lips.

''Your mother, she seemed almost ethereal during her performances. Viktoria had this determination I sometimes glimpse in your eyes. She loved what she was doing and if you enjoy walking on the tightrope even half as much as she enjoyed performing with the horses, then I believe that you should at least try making this work. If you don't want to repeat it afterwards, no one will force you.'' Before she could utter a word, Filip put his hands under her armpits and cradled her against his chest.

He would not be angry should she chose not to do this. Among all his good qualities, it was his supportive and acceptant nature concerning her that Anja appreciated the most.

''If I tell you to put me back onto the platform, you _will_ do it.'' Ordered Anja after a long moment of contemplation.

Filip would not allow any harm to be done to her, so she did not have to fear that he would let go of her at an inopportune moment. He knew better than to abandon her on the tightrope while she was in the middle of a panic attack.

''I will.'' The promise passed his lips effortlessly, leaving no place for doubt.

''Good.'' Anja nodded firmly and continued speaking before she could change her mind. ''Lower me on the rope. Don't let go until I say otherwise.''

Hesitating just for a second because of how hard her legs were trembling, Filip kissed the top of her head and proceeded to follow her instructions. Due to the trembling of her whole body, Anja's feet missed the tightrope twice. During her third try, her feet finally made contact with what was meant to be her new 'ground'.

The rope trembled along with her legs and did not stop doing so until the young Croatian steadied herself. She would like to say that an unexpected calm took over her entire being and that she was suddenly capable of outperforming the most experienced acrobats in the circus, but that would have been a very obvious lie.

(...The image of little girl climbing a tree and falling, falling and _falling_ danced across her mind and made her breath hitch...

…

...the pain of the impact was clearer than any other memories of her old life and...

…

…

...and Anja could not remember the last time she had felt so _afraid...)_

Body straightening rigidly, Anja tried to grab onto the last strands of her resolve. The fire burning inside of her had long since been extinguished and nothing but a few _hot_ embers had been left behind.

''You can let me go.'' Bit out Anja and then she, quite embarrassingly really, disregarded all of her previous training and tried to run forward without really focusing on her balance. Flailing her arms left and right, Anja tried to stop herself from toppling to the side.

Fear seized her heart as she felt her body moving too far to the right. A loud shriek escaped her lips - In the future she would deny the existence of this day. - and after taking only four tiny steps, Anja _fell._

Her back burned in remembrance of Eliza's childhood accident and for a second Anja actually believed that she would _die_ again. She felt her whole body freezing in preparation for the upcoming pain and tears started gathering in her eyes.

The safety net caught her before she could form a coherent thought. It moved up and down due to the admittedly minimal weight of her body.

Anja had to force her eyes to open, not remembering when she had actually closed them. The familiar yellow and red ceiling of the tent greeted her and Anja immediately noticed that Filip had already left his place on the platform. Inhaling a deep breath, the young Croatian watched her chest move.

Almost unbidden, her knees bent and toes wiggled.

Slowly, she raised a trembling hand to wipe the moisture off her face. Salty tears and sweat mixed together and a relieved sob echoed through the almost empty tent.

 _She was alive and legs were still working._

* * *

IX.

* * *

Anja did not dare to step on the higher located tightropes for the following two weeks. She continued her training on the ground and watched the other members of the circus showing off their talent above her.

Just like her father promised, no one tried to pressure her into trying to walk the more dangerous tightropes once again. Most people probably thought that she would do it without their prompting and Anja knew that she would have to if she wanted to continue pursuing this career.

The worst thing about the whole situation was that she did not fear the height itself. The only thing she was utterly _terrified_ of was the _falling._

It wasn't a completely unfounded fear, she doubted that anyone could properly deny that. A fall had already ruined her life once and Anja feared that it would happen again.

Astoundingly, one of her worst fears did not actually manage to completely deter her from her newest dream. Maybe it was because she could see how irrational it was when compared to the risks of the other choices she had. Working with animals could be just as dangerous as the tightrope.

There was also the fact that Anja could very easily break her bones while doing all the gymnastics she enjoyed so much.

She had _seen_ it happen to one of the older boys, so she knew how ridiculous her reasoning truly was.

This inner turmoil of hers would have most likely continued to plague her for a few more weeks if it weren't for Iliana, a Bulgarian girl who had been a part of her first training group.

Watching her perform on the tightrope and get better with each passing day ignited an ugly jealousy in Anja's chest. Although she had started her lessons in this particular field only about a year ago–or perhaps it was _because_ she had begun doing it such a short while ago–Iliana was _beautiful_ up there.

Her movements winning some sureness each time she managed to execute an instruction flawlessly. The way she so effortlessly moved on that bright tightrope. That certain pride in her posture when she set her feet upon the steady ground once again without having sustained an injury.

Those were all causes of the envy that festered in her chest since the moment she had failed in moving forward towards her dream.

Surprisingly, it wasn't this envy that finally prompted her to climb that accursed ladder. _Iliana_ came up to Anja and somehow managed to convince her to not give up with a backhanded compliment.

''I'm glad you're such a _coward._ '' Looking down at the young Croatian due to the three years she had on her, Iliana's mouth turned down in disgust. ''Otherwise you might have been _almost_ as good as I am. My _maman_ says that no one likes those who try to steal the show from the bride.''

The truth of that statement irked her incredibly as well as forced her to once again face how stupid she was being. Considering that a nine years old girl took notice of one of her many flaws and admitted to seeing Anja's potential, it was a wonder that the purple haired child did not believe even the slightest bit in herself.

She had trained for this since she was four years old. Spent many hours stretching and building muscles to be able to do splits and handstands. Practiced for many days until she could finally keep her balance on the narrow rope.

Anja knew that she could do it and a part of her itched to just climb up to the small platform and then to step on the rope without a second thought.

She would have done it if she had not been so riled up. Thinking that it would be better to calm down a bit before she started balancing on a thin stripe more than six meters above the ground, Anja took a deep calming breath.

Since when did children behave that way, the once teenage girl wondered as a frown appeared on her face. Weren't they supposed to be nice and adorable?

As the Croatian watched the other girl _saunter_ out of the tent, she came to the conclusion that she really did not like children. _At all._

Still, Anja was honest enough to admit that she was grateful when at the end of the day she finally managed to not only take a step forward on the tightrope, but in the direction where she wanted her future to head.

And this time, when she fell, instead of panicking and leaving the tent without looking back, Anja only did the former.


	4. Chapter 4

**Merry Christmas! Here is a slightly early present.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Enjoy**

* * *

''Hello.'' _The main language will be from now on French.  
_

 _''Hello.'' Foreign language. (In this chapter Croatian.)_

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 4_

 _I Saw My Dreams All Die_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Where Pandora's Box Was Opened_

* * *

 _perennial_ (adj.) _lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually recurring._

* * *

X.

* * *

 _''Where are we going,_ _Tata?''_ Asked Anja as she took a tight hold of Filip's thin jacket.

It was late spring and they had just arrived at their newest rented grounds in Italy. Instead of helping the other members of the _'Lanterne Française',_ her father had immediately picked her up from the ground once he was sure that their baggage was taken care of and was now carrying her away from the place she considered to be her _home._

Adjusting his hold on her, Filip rubbed his daughter's back reassuringly. _''To the market. It's open only until 5 o'clock, so if we don't go now, we will miss it.''_

 _''The market?''_ She scratched her head in apparent confusion. _''What's so special about it? Can't we just go tomorrow?''_

 _''Ne, ne.''_ He widened his eyes dramatically, smiling all the while in amusement. _''Giuseppe's there only once a week. If we don't go today, we might not get any of his mandarins.''_

More than slightly confused over why they had to buy exactly these mandarins and not just those that would be available tomorrow, Anja pushed a strand of her loose hair behind her ear and closed her eyes in contemplation. _''We could just get some mandarins from another vendor. I'm sure this Giuseppe isn't the only one selling them.''_

 _''And betray Giuseppe's trust in us? Never, my dearest Anja.''_ He paused, pushing her against his chest a little harder. _''We could never do something so horrid. Besides, no one sells mandarins as good as those of our Italian friend.''_

It all sounded like one of those ridiculous adds in the future. Anja had once seen one on the TV that claimed she should be a queen and _clean_ her own home of all things. As if a queen would ever clean anything by herself. Her point in this, however, wasn't that cleaning products had illogical and stupid advertisements, but that they just did not offer any real and good arguments for why people should buy them.

Filip had just done the same. He had told her that Guiseppe's mandarins were the best and that was why they would be buying them. What exactly they were the best in was never mentioned.

Her father must have seen his daughter's irritation over this on her face because he smiled placatingly. _''The taste, moje sunce, none mandarins I've ever eaten tasted as good as those of Giuseppe. The price might be a little high, but they are worth it.''_

 _''Are they very sweet? Because if they are, then I probably won't like them.''_ Anja scrunched up her nose.

Narrowing his eyes, he almost slipped on the damp ground. His gaze immediately strayed from her and focused on the ground, but his mind stayed on the matter at hand. _''How do you know? I don't think you've ever eaten mandarins before.''_

 _''Well,''_ She almost cringed before she finally continued speaking, _''I tried them once when we were in the Soviet Union.''_

This wasn't the first time the Croatian girl had used knowledge from her previous life and applied it to this one. Neither was it the first time she had claimed to like or dislike food _Lubanja_ had never tasted.

And she knew that Filip was catching all those small slips of her tongue and if she did not start controlling herself better soon, Anja might blurt out something detrimental in the future. The girl did not want him to find out the truth about her. Did not want to be shunned by her own father.

 _(...and she did consider him as such after more than seven years in this world...)_

Fortunately, Filip did not question her any further. Perhaps it was because he believed her or it might have been that he did not think that it was necessary for him to know the truth—After all, what secrets could his soon to be eight years old daughter have?—but Anja truly appreciated the change of topic when it came.

 _''We could go to the beach tomorrow. It's wonderful there, you know.''_ His voice was tinged with nostalgia. _''When we were younger, your mother and I would often go there. Here in Italy, it's where I proposed to her.''_

Anja remembered the sea and its salty smell. Even now she could still recall the endless tracks her wheelchair left behind in the sand. She could remember sitting on the shore with her sister. Small waves had lapped at their feet.

Anja could not remember how the water had felt against her skin. She had been _unable_ to feel it.

 _''Isn't that a tad cliche?''_ Asked the small girl to distract herself from unwelcome thoughts.

 _''Cliche?''_ Filip looked down at her with slightly furrowed eyebrows. _''There was nothing cliche about my proposal, I will let you know. Victoria used to say that it was one of my most romantic gestures for her.''_

 _''Well, then you're probably not much of a romantic.''_ The giggles that erupted out of her mouth after she uttered that sentence could not have been stopped no matter how hard she would have tried. Her father's completely scandalized expression made the whole thing only more amusing and turned her soft giggles into a loud and cheerful laughter.

The Croatian man sighed in mock exasperation. _''You're lucky that you're my daughter, otherwise I might have felt just 'a tad' insulted.''_

The female Croatian tried to force a serious expression onto her face, though she failed miserably.

 _''Don't even try to apologize.''_ He reached out for her hand and put it above his evenly beating heart. _''It won't save my bleeding heart. Besides, there is not enough time for that now anyway. We've finally reached the market.''_

Due to their soft banter, Anja had not noticed the thickening crowd around them. That had probably been her father's objective. The man knew how uncomfortable she felt with so many people surrounding her.

And there truly were a lot of people there. It was almost as if the whole city had gathered there for some last minute shopping. Men and women walked through the streets and stopped at the different stalls to purchase their groceries. Most of the vendors did not sell a wide variety of goods, choosing to focus on things like vegetables or fruits instead. Not too far away from them was a man selling meat and next to him another one trying to promote his fishes.

Only a handful of stalls did not have any food in their repertoire. A woman on her right was arranging the few remaining textiles on a table and shouting commands at what looked to be her daughter.

 _''Giuseppe!''_ Filip shouted while waving the hand that wasn't holding her against his chest. Surprisingly, a middle-aged man managed to hear her father's exclamation over the loud chatter of the crowd. The Italian turned his head towards them and grinned brightly.

Her father's friend was a slight man with graying hair and darkly tanned skin. He was missing one of his front teeth which made him speak with a lisp. Giuseppe's most striking feature were his pinkish eyes. Their color was very fair and stood out against the tan of his skin.

He also seemed to only know Italian. The man spoke very rapidly in the foreign language while Filip listened attentively and nodded his head at the right moments.

To Anja's surprise, her father was also proficient in Italian. The Croatian answered the other man's questions slowly with no discernible accent. When the time came to introduce her, the girl only understood her full name and the mention that she preferred being called 'Anja'. Or at least she hoped that was what Filip told his friend.

After taking some money from one of his customers, the man turned his head to the side so that he could regard her properly. _''Sono Giuseppe_.'' He ruffled her hair, picking a mandarin from a crate. Then he removed his hand from her head and thrust the fruit towards her. _''Per te,_ _piccola Anja.''_

She might not have spoken any Italian, but that did not mean that she did not understand what he had said. It did not take a genius to guess that. As such, Anja took the ripe mandarin and smiled thankfully. _''Grazie?''_

Her thanks sounded more like a question than anything else and she had probably butchered the pronunciation dreadfully as well, but the man did not seem to mind at all. He just returned her smile tenfold and uttered a quick what she guessed to be 'You're welcome'.

Later, on their way home when Anja was forced to walk because Filip's hands were occupied by two crates full of mandarins, the young girl started peeling her gift. She let the peels fall onto the ground and then almost hesitantly put a piece of the mandarin between her teeth.

A mixture of sweetness and sourness exploded inside her mouth. The heavenly taste shocked her momentarily and as she watched the smug expression Filip sent her way, Anja realized that her father truly did know what he was talking about.

Never before had she tasted such a good mandarin.

* * *

XI.

* * *

They did not go to the beach the next day. It took Filip more than a week to convince the circus director to let them go during a work day. And even then they had to be back for the evening show.

The ride to the coast was both interesting and tiring. Italy's landscape was beautiful, but gazing at it got boring pretty quickly. Holding onto her father for a few hours while they drove up and down mountains was something she was used to, however, that did not mean that she enjoyed it. At the end of their journey, Anja's arms felt as if they might fall asleep due to how hard she had been holding on to her father.

Seeing the sea for the first time in this new life was well worth whatever pain she might have felt.

(...No, it truly _wasn't...)_

It was a windy day. The waves were crashing loudly against the sandy beach as a few couples walked along the coast while holding their hands. Stormy clouds hung above the endless ocean with a promise of spring rain. Anja had to forcefully stop herself from ripping her hand out of her father's hold to run down the few stone steps leading to the beach.

Not for the first time the girl wondered how the fair sand would feel against her feet.

 _''How about some ice cream?''_ Filip asked while checking his small leather wallet for some coins. What he found seemed to be satisfactory because he nodded his head resolutely. Afterwards the young man pointed at a nearby ice cream parlor with his left pointer finger.

Although, like most children, Anja loved eating sweets, she did not want to miss the opportunity to explore the beach. From the looks of it, rain would come soon, so they did not have the whole day to wander around outside. For now, Anja just wanted to fulfill one of her less significant dreams. Food was something they could get later. _''No, I wanna go to the beach first.''_

The look he sent her way seemed to question her sanity because since when did sweets stop being a child's top _priority?_

 _''Lead the way then,''_ he muttered after scratching the back of his head. _''Just don't get too wet. It's too cold outside for that today.''_

And then he let go of her hand and Anja was suddenly racing down the uneven and coarse stone steps until she finally reached the fine sand of the beach. It felt softer than the stairs but it was still pretty rough. Some small grains of sand got stuck between her toes and she had to wiggle them to lessen the unpleasant sensation.

For no other reason than to see how it felt, Anja pushed one of her feet into the sand, getting it buried in the process. Almost immediately the girl started regretting her action because the deeper she went the _colder_ and _damper_ the sand was.

She retracted her foot and put it onto the other one to slightly warm up its cold toes.

A low chuckle reached her ears as Filip lowered his hand on her shoulder. _''The water is even colder.''_

Normally, such a statement would have stopped her from pursuing her next goal. Anja hated the _cold_ and while she did not mind laying down in the snow during winter, that was only because she wore several layers of clothing on such occasions. Taking a dip in the cold sea was something she generally considered as a no-go when it wasn't warm enough outside, but this had been one _Eliza's_ dreams.

The dream to _feel_ the cool waves lapping at her feet. To stand on the wet sand and maybe to even run on it.

And so she did just that. The girl ran forward, straight into the water and then down the beach. After a while the shocking cold stopped bothering her and only joyous laughter could be heard in her wake. Anja ran and laughed and ran some more, Filip watching her with a content smile all the while.

* * *

XII.

* * *

It ended like this: They were driving back home after eating too much _gelato_ when it started to drizzle. To protect her front from the cool droplets of water, Anja leaned heavily against her father's back and tightened her grip around his waist. The road they were driving on was very narrow and had many turns. Mountains grew in front of them and occasionally another vehicle would drive past them.

At some point—she did not now how or when exactly—the motorbike swerved to the left and the next thing that Anja knew was that she was _falling..._

 _..._ her grip around Filip loosening and body tipping to the side...

...

...tires screeched loudly as someone _screamed_ in fear...

...

...

...She must have blacked out for a few minutes because the next time she opened her eyes, Anja was laying on the dirty road. Her whole body hurt and her eyes stayed out of focus. Something wet was dripping down her temple and onto the road...

...

... _Anja couldn't move..._

 _..._

 _..._ The young girl just laid on the road, her head throbbing and hands desperately trying to move upwards. Panicked breaths escaped her lips and tears started to flow down her cheeks because of how familiar this situation was.

 _Her spine, there was something wrong with her spine._

Sobs jostled her whole body as the taste of blood trickled into her mouth. Was this how she was going to die _again?_

Black spots appeared in her vision and Anja despaired...

...

... _she did not want to die again..._

 _..._

...she did not want to start over or perhaps risk not receiving another chance at all...

 _..._

 _..._

 _..._ in all of her rather unimpressive twenty-four years of live, Anja had never truly _lived._ The girl had not managed to achieve any of her dreams yet and she could not fathom losing her most likely last chance to do so...

...

...Anja could not, no, _would not_ die. Especially not in such a horrible and familiar way...

...

...

...More than anything else, Nina Lubanja Filipović _wanted to live._

Something inside of her shifted at that thought. A gate seemed to open and then _purple_ filled her vision.

Out of nowhere, Anja burst into _flames._

* * *

XIII.

* * *

Skull's story begun like this: There was an accident that revealed a horrible truth. Flames that danced across her body and healed injuries that most would consider to be lethal. The pain caused by the healing was worse than the injuries themselves. Once her spine was finally mended, the girl was forced to push a _rib_ back into her body, otherwise her injuries would have healed with a bone still protruding out of her stomach.

Anja blacked out once again only to wake up a few minutes later with an almost fully healed body and the realization of _where_ exactly she was.

She stood up on shaky legs and walked over to the lump that might have once been her father.

Filip was partly trapped under his motorbike, one of his arms missing and _skull_ cracked open.

Anja did not know whether she should cry or laugh hysterically at the irony that had become her life. Minutes ago she had been forced to relive her worst nightmare. She had been close to dying or becoming an invalid once again, only to realize that none of it would happen because she had been reborn into the world of Katekyo Hitman Reborn as the female version of a character that was known for his _immortality._

 _Skull de Mort._

The girl would have liked to pretend that none of this was true. That she was just seeing things that weren't real. However, there were to many happenstances that confirmed her theory.

She had purple hair and purple eyes which even in this world were considered as unusual colorings. There was also her connection to the stunt-business and her name that literally translated into 'Skull'. Last but not least, she had just burst into purple Flames that seemed to make her immortal.

Neither Eliza nor Anja had ever been fond of denial, so girl quickly managed to come to a conclusion.

 _Skull de Mort. She was the female version of the Cloud Arcobaleno._

Falling to her knees, Anja tried and failed to bite back a sob. She reached out for the still attached hand of her father and squeezed it in hope of receiving a reaction.

 _Filip did not move and Anja could not stop herself from screaming in utter despair._


	5. Chapter 5

**So, I have published a new oneshot Self-Insert collection. If you like Bleach, then you should check it out. The first chapter is a Self-Insert as femSenbonzakura who is then paired with Byakuya.  
**

 **I might not have enough time to update any of my stories in the next few weeks. I am currently in my last year at high school and my exams will be starting soon. Still, I will try my best to at least update one of my stories this and the next month, though I make no promises.**

 **Hopefully, you all will like this chapter. In my opinion the scenes are a little short and I'm not sure if the time skip here wasn't a little too early.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Have fun.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 5_

 _I've Been Sleepwalking Too Close To The Fire_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Where Reality Was Shattered_

* * *

 _sempiternal_ (adj.) _having no known beginning and presumably no end_

* * *

XIV.

* * *

Anja awoke in a hospital.

A scratchy blanket covered her body and a few sun rays flitted through the partly closed blinds into the room. They blinded her eyes and made her squint in confusion. There was a moment of blissful obliviousness, though it did not last. Reality soon came crashing down upon her in form of the circus director's wife.

Pale-faced, the woman stood at the end of her bed and regarded the small girl with utmost pity. The events of the previous evening returned to her in blurred flashes and Anja was suddenly forced to accept this new reality of hers.

 _Matej Filip Ivanović was_ _dead._

Her father—For there was no denying how much he actually meant for her. She might have been reluctant to call him that at the beginning, but Filip had indeed become her father.—was gone and the young girl now orphaned and traumatized. She had seen the remains of her only parent's body. Had felt his cooling blood pool around her form.

 _Anja had seen the innards of his skull._

And as if all that wasn't enough, the child acrobat had now to confront a rather cruel truth _; this wasn't her world anymore._

Anja would never see Eliza's family again. Her sister's witty remarks and her brother's childish smiles were now forever lost. The future she had envisioned for herself was forever out of reach and another road had been opened for her. A road that would lead her to one day becoming the _Cloud Arcobaleno._

(...In the middle of a panic attack, a part of Anja was forced to acknowledge a rather cruel irony...

...

...for her whole life the girl has envied the clouds for their freedom...

...

...but the thing was that there was nothing to envy there because at the end of the day, even a _Cloud_ could be _chained_...)

''You're awake,'' murmured Iwona as she reached out to brush a few stray bangs off of Anja's face. ''We've been so worried.''

''How long was I out?'' Inquired the young Croatian girl as she started massaging her temple. Her voice was rough and shaky, adding to the pitiful image she already presented.

Iwona smiled sadly as she reached out for a glass at the bedside table. It was half full of water. ''For about a day. The doctors were amazed at your lack of injuries.''

''I see.'' A pause. ''Is my _tata_ really _gone?''_

The glass in Iwona's hand trembled and a pained expression crossed her face. ''I'm so, so sorry, Anja.''

''Ah.'' She took the offered glass. The water was tasteless as it slid down her throat.

Anja tried to ignore the tears that were slowly marching down her cheeks and dripping onto her left hand. She was only partly successful.

After handing the glass back to Iwona and putting her trembling hands onto her lap, Anja cleared her throat. ''What will happen to me now?''

Instead of answering immediately, Iwona slowly sat down on the bed next to her. ''Your father always knew that his end might come sooner than any of us could imagine. It was a part of his job.'' The woman grimaced at her own words. ''He named me and my husband your godparents and left us your guardianship. You will now, so to say, become a ward of the circus.''

Anja blinked slightly confused. Why would her father make Iwona and her husband into her godparents?

''Why would he choose you?'' For once the young girl did not care for how rude she might have sounded.

The wife of the circus director squeezed her hand reassuringly. ''Your mother and I, we were actually pretty close friends. We both grew up outside of the circus and that was something that made us stick together after I married my husband. At that time Veronica was also new to the _'Lanterne Française'.''_ She sighed sadly. '' You know, I was actually a bridesmaid during your parents' wedding.''

'' _Tata_ never told me,'' muttered Anja after a slightly to long pause of silence. Perhaps she should have said more or at least tried to look as if she truly cared about what Iwona was telling her, however, Anja really did not have the strength to do any of that. She felt tired and weary and as if she could fall asleep and never wake up again. The only person she thought of as family in this world was dead and although she could not claim to be _alone,_ the girls still felt as if she now had only herself to rely on.

Iwona and her husband Yves had been assigned as her guardians, yet that did not instantly change them into _family._ Anja liked the couple well enough and she was somewhat glad that there was someone actually there to take care of her while she could not do so herself. That did not change the fact that neither of them could replace Filip or the family she had had in a previous life.

Still, as Anja looked at the blabbering woman, she could not stop herself from feeling _grateful._

After all, while she might not have had a family anymore, Nina Lubanja Filipović still had a _home._

* * *

XV.

* * *

Continuing her daily routine turned out to be easier than Anja had expected.

She mourned Filip, yes, but he was not the first person she had lost in her short life. What was one more family member in the great scheme of things? In comparison to losing a whole life, being suddenly an orphan wasn't that bad. All this sounded very callous of her and yet the young girl could not bring herself to care.

Maybe that was her way of coping with the whole situation.

Or perhaps she was still just too shocked due to the fact that she was now living in a _fictional_ world.

After leaving the hospital, the first thing Anja did once she was finally alone was to try to access the purple Flames that had previously saved her life. More than anything she had hoped that everything that had happened a few nights before was just a dream.

A dream it did not turn out to be.

At first the Flames did not appear. No matter how hard she tried to call them forth, no fire was ignited upon her skin. It was then that Anja chose to take a more drastic measure. Using her father's letter opener, the small Croatian cut the palm of her hand.

In response, Flames immediately started to dance across the edges of the wound and the girl had to bite her lips harshly to stop herself from crying out loud due to the pain the whole healing process caused her. By the time her hand was smooth once again, her cheeks were tear stained and mind filled with incoherent thoughts.

Once Anja finally managed to calm herself down—Before that happened though, the girl suffered from more than a mild panic attack.—she was faced with two choices; she could either wallow in self-pity and fear what each new day would throw at her or she could continue living her life and hope for the best.

The choice wasn't hard to make.

For whatever reason, Anja had been given not only a second but a third chance as well. She could not waste a gift most could only dream of receiving.

As such, Anja forced herself to continue her daily routine. She woke up every morning and ate breakfast with the other members of the circus. Most of the day was spent training on the tight rope which, unsurprisingly, had become much easier once Anja had nothing to fear of it. There was no injury her body could not heal now and that was _frighteningly_ freeing. From what she knew, _Skull de Mort_ had prided himself in his immortality. He had performed dangerous stunts on his motorbike and survived each and every single one of them. Considering the potency of her Flames, Anja did not doubt that her newly acquired powers could even heal something like a broken neck.

This realization, she reluctantly had to admit, made her somewhat reckless. More than once in the last few weeks she had fallen off the tightrope and bruised or even broken a few bones. Sometimes, the Croatian managed to hide those injuries which allowed her to continue training the next day. Other times she was forced to go to the infirmary to have her bones set and then pretend for the next weeks that she was incapable of using some of her limbs or digits.

Iwona noticed this change and tried talking to her about it more than once, but Anja saw no reason to listen to her. Though she did try being slightly more discreet when it came to her reckless escapades. There was no need for the adults in her life to think that she was suicidal.

Which she obviously wasn't, but they did not know that.

Filip might have died and scarred her mind in the process, however, that wasn't enough of a tragedy to actually diminish her _will to live._

 _(...Anja tried to forget the nights during which she woke up screaming..._

 _..._

 _...the stench of her father's blood in her nose and the remains of his brain underneath her fingernails...)_

After all that she had been, after all that she had _survived,_ Nina Lubanja Filipović did not even think about _giving up._ Doing so would not only mean wasting her second chance, but also tainting the memory of her loved ones. Even if she did not wish to live for herself, she would at least have to continue going on for them.

 _(...For Filip, who had died due to his biggest passion. For Eliza's little brother, a boy that had not been granted even half way enough time on this accursed earth..._

 _..._

 _...and even for Eliza herself, who because of her illness never truly_ lived _to begin with...)_

There was no doubt about the young Croatian continuing to live her life. The only uncertain thing was how exactly she would do that.

And as this was something only she could decide, Anja thought that she might as well make the best of her current situation.

 _(...Perhaps becoming the World's Greatest Acrobat wasn't such a laughable idea...)_

* * *

XVI.

* * *

Three months after moving in with Iwona and Yves, Anja asked her female guardian if she could teach her how to speak Polish. The purple haired acrobat was ashamed to admit that in the last few years she had forgotten much of her mother tongue.

Iwona's lessons turned out to be far more useful than the once teenage girl had expected. Starting with basics was more than a little irritating, especially when she found out that she actually needed them. Though, as the time passed Anja stopped learning and started _remembering._ Her teacher was more than a little surprised when after less than six months her pupil mastered the Polish language.

The older woman immediately offered to teach her Russian. Considering what her future entailed, the Cloud knew that she could use every advantage she could get. Speaking foreign languages was certainly a valuable advantage.

''You've got it almost right, Anja,'' said Iwona as she pointed at the papers before them. ''Only the last number was wrong. It's called _twenty-three.''_

While her sentences were spoken in French, the number was said in Russian. There was a stark contrast between the two languages the woman had used.

 _''Twenty-three, is that right?''_ repeated Anja, her voice certain and words pronounced without a noticeable accent. Russian was the third Slavic language the child learned and though she could not claim that it was _easy,_ it certainly wasn't _hard_ either.

Nodding her head, Iwona smiled proudly. '' _Yes, that's right.''_

A pleased expression appeared on Anja's face as she raised her hand to bind her hair. Her hands moved behind her head and pulled her purple locks into a messy bun. ''You know, I've been thinking about my language skills. Wouldn't it be good if I had people I constantly talk to in one of the languages that I know? I wouldn't want to forget one of them and it would certainly help me become more proficient.''

''That's actually not such a bad idea,'' uttered the wife of the circus directer after a moment of contemplation. ''I could take over Polish and when you have a good enough grasp on Russian, Viktor, our mechanic, should be willing to help you with that. He was a good friend of your father.''

Anja tapped her fingers against the table. ''I wouldn't mind that. For obvious reasons French won't be a problem, though I don't think I've met anyone in the circus who spoke Croatian.''

''There isn't anyone.'' Iwona frowned thoughtfully. ''Well, I could get you some books until we find someone who speaks your mother tongue. Only if you want that, of course.''

The acrobat hummed in agreement. At least one of her many problems was now taken care of.


	6. Chapter 6

**So, I passed my first exam with a pretty good grade! I know most of you probably aren't interested in this, but I am personally really happy.**

 **I am not sure when I'll have time to update this story again, but I hope it will not take me too long.**

 **This chapter has a small surprise in it. I thought a long while about it and have decided to chose this path.**

 **Recommendation!** **: I have published a new story once again. Sometimes, I just can't help myself. Anyway, it is a Self-Insert into Harry Potter. If you are interested in that fandom, then try it out.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the Clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 6_

 _Who Are You?_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _How She Met A Legend_

* * *

 _zemblanity_ (n.) _the inevitable discovery of what we would rather not know_

* * *

XVII.

* * *

A year after her father's death, Anja decided to change her profession. Walking on the tightrope had lost some of its appeal due to the awakening of her Flames and the girl had decided to find an alternative for herself.

She found this alternative in a slackrope and a sudden burst of imagination.

As she had thought about her future, Anja had come to the conclusion that she needed to do something more exciting than being one of a dozen acrobats performing the same thing. She also wanted to do something more challenging.

Her Flames had changed her body immensely. Since the day she had activated her Flames, not only her healing factor had been propagated but also her strength, speed and even her balance. Anja wasn't quite sure how her Flames worked. However, she knew that they seemed to physically enhance most attributes of her body. If she truly focused and wanted it, Anja could even enhance her own eyesight.

Just as she was doing right now. Watching the world through eyes that could see better than those of any other human, Anja had to blink a few times in wonder. She could see every single raindrop falling from the cloudy sky as well as the way they collided with the petals of a daisy that was located a few meters away from her. It was almost as if she was seeing the world in slow motion, though not exactly that way.

It was astounding, frightening and certainly causing her a headache.

This ability just like many others made her current profession almost unfairly easy, the girl had realized that only a few weeks after her father's death.

She also knew that to become the World's Greatest Acrobat she would have to be special.

Some might have considered it cheating, but Anja did not mind using her knowledge about the future for her own gain. From what she knew, slacklining had not truly been invented yet. This meant that whatever she came up with would be something no one had ever seen before.

And unlike in her previous life, Anja did not have to worry about any physical limitations.

Those facts secured that whatever act she created would end up being the required special.

The Cloud's only problem was that she had no idea where she could buy the necessary slack rope and how exactly she would pay for it.

Though the latter could probably be easily taken care of. Anja only had to use her charm on Iwona. Her caretaker in turn would certainly manage to convince her husband to help their charge.

So, for now her biggest problem was that she had no idea where she could acquire a slack rope and what kind she needed exactly.

She had some basic ideas. One of Krystyna's boyfriends had been interested in slacklining.

(...he was her biggest inspiration for her new career...)

As Eliza she had to listen to more than one lecture about his favorite sport. Back then, she had rather loathed the boy for blabbering so much about something Eliza could only ever dream of doing. Now, she was quite grateful about his boundless enthusiasm.

Anja knew that a narrowed webbing would result in a stretchier slackline, though she wasn't certain if this was something she should start with. As a beginner who was used to the tightrope she probably should begin with something more familiar. She would also need something to tension the slackline. Lastly, she also had to think about the material which would be used to create the webbing.

Had Jakub used polyester or polyamid? She could not really remember.

That was something she would have to properly think about once Yves finally decided to assist her.

For now, she just had to convince Iwona, which was probably easier said than done. The woman was quite paranoid when it came to Anja. Sometimes it almost seemed as if she did not trust the girl to not accidentally kill herself.

Although Anja understood where the middle-aged woman was coming from, she still did not appreciate her caretakers coddling.

If there was one thing she had had enough of in both of her lives, then it was the overbearing presence of adults who thought that she wasn't independent enough to take care of herself.

(...her hovering felt like a rather painful infringement on Anja's _freedom...)_

Now that Anja had finally tasted the freedom of independence, she would not let anyone take it away from her.

* * *

XVIII.

* * *

Viktor was a pale-haired man from the Soviet Union. His eyes were colored a startling green and they flickered from his work towards her as he spoke in a rapid Russian. They were in the small tent that worked as his workshop and he was currently repairing the motor of a malfunctioning vehicle.

Anja found it quite hard to follow what he was saying, especially because he was instructing her on how to repair whatever damage that had been inflicted upon the motor.

Not only was the whole topic really boring for the young girl, but she also found herself to be quite tired that day. Understandably, her attention span was almost non-existent.

 _''Papa?''_ A childish voice questioned in Russian, jarring Anja out of her thoughts and forcing her attention to the flapping entrance of the tent. _''Will you be coming to dinner?''_

The boy, as she now recognized, was as uniquely colored as Anja herself. He had obviously inherited his father's eyes and his hair was of almost the same shade. Despite having spent more than eight years in this new world, the young Croatian found herself still surprised by the way genetics seemed to work here.

 _''Not today, Verde,''_ replied the man, not stopping his work even for a second. _''I have to finish this first, but you could take Anja with you. I'm sure she is hungry by now.''_

And she was indeed slightly hungry. Anja had eaten breakfast pretty early that day and...

...and her mind finally _registered_ what Viktor had said. For a moment, Anja could do nothing but stare at the boy before her, completely dumbstruck because...

...because...

...

 _...because what where the chances that this little boy before her was the future Lightning Arcobaleno?_

 _''Can I help you with the motor afterwards?''_ questioned the young boy, his gaze focused on his father. Even from afar Anja could see the intelligence sparkling in his eyes.

Viktor hummed, _''Sure.''_

 _''Excellent.''_ Almost morbidly, the Cloud watched _Verde_ turn towards her. '' _Are you coming?''_

 _''Uhm, yeah...sure,''_ stuttered Anja, her eyes still wide due to her disbelief.

She could not quite believe what was happening. After finding out that she was a fictional character, this meeting should not have been so surprising. And yet, _it was._ Anja had not expected to meet another Arcobaleno for at least a few more years. Finding out that _Verde_ had a _civilian_ background just like her was quite shocking.

Jumping down from her seat on the counter, Anja forced a smile onto her lips. _''I'm Anja. It's nice to meet you.''_

 _''I know.''_ He scratched his chin, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. _''I'm Verde and I guess likewise.''_

Anja stared.

Verde's eyebrows furrowed some more.

 _''Your hair is really green,''_ uttered Anja and almost cursed herself loudly after seeing the deadpanned expression on the other child's face.

He raised his eyebrows. _''Yeah. And yours is really purple. Can we go now?''_

Slightly embarrassed, the Croatian nodded her head in agreement. First impressions really did not seem to be her forte. _''Your father is from the Soviet Union. Why do you have a Spanish name?''_

As he was a few paces ahead of her, Verde stopped, turned around and looked at her. _''My mother was Spanish. Besides, not many people in the West are kind to those who originate from behind the Iron Curtain. It's easier to have a Spanish name.''_

Anja tilted her head to the side. She was surprised at the way Verde spoke. He was very adult like in his behavior. Even the way he walked was more refined than that of a normal child.

Perhaps it should not have surprised her that even at his young age he seemed to understand the current state of the world. And yet she had not expected him to be so mature.

 _''Why do you speak Russian?''_ questioned the future Lightning Arcobaleno. He seemed to be genuinely curious.

Anja scratched her head and contemplated her answer for a few seconds. _''I'm interested in languages, so I'm trying to learn as many as I can. Russian just so happens to be one my caretaker knows.''_

 _''I see,''_ said Verde as he slowed down to walk besides her. _''How many languages do you know?''_

Anja raised her hand and counted on her fingers. _''Well, I can speak in Croatian, French, Polish and Russian. Soon, I'll probably start learning English or Italian.''_

For the first time since they met, Verde actually looked impressed rather than disbelieving or irritated. He regarded her thoughtfully, weighting his choices. It took him a few seconds to finally come to a conclusion. _''If someone from the circus will teach you, can I join?''_

From what she remember, in the anime Verde had been a scientist with rather questionable morals. He had been very intelligent and perhaps even creative. This boy before her walked and talked like an adult and was obviously interested in gathering new knowledge.

Anja knew that Verde would _not_ grow up to be a good man, yet she did not believe in judging someone based on some future knowledge that at the end might not even apply to their life. Anja wasn't Skull de Mort and Verde wasn't the same man he would be in a few decades.

 _''Sure. We will have to ask the teacher for his or her permission, but I doubt they'll mind,''_ explained the girl.

The smile she received in return made her realize that she had done the right thing.

* * *

XIX.

* * *

Christmas at the circus was a very big occasion.

It was also Anja's favorite holiday.

She loved taking part in the preparations for the festivities. Half of the circus was always preoccupied with preparing the dinning area, while the other half took care of the food. Due to the different nationalities of all the performers, there were dishes from all over the world.

At the beginning of the day, Anja, like all the other children, could always be found in the main tent where the circus acts normally occurred. There the men moved the stands to make place for more than a dozen of tables and seats. Those tables and seats were positioned around the Christmas tree in the middle of the tent.

The children were in charge of decorating the tree with self-made adornments and wrapped candies. A few teens helped them reach the higher places, whereas some just stood on the side, munching sweets.

Considering her sweet tooth, Anja joined them more often than not. This year she even had a friend who helped her gather as many bonbons as possible before an adult came to stop them.

Verde, for all his lack of morality in the anime, was just a child now. Incredibly intelligent and slightly too curious he might have been, but that did not change the fact that he was indeed a child who felt emotions just as strongly as any other person did.

 _''Here,''_ he said, sticking out his hand towards Anja to show her the sweets he had gathered for her. His nose scrunched up. _''I don't understand how you can eat all that.''_

 _''And I don't understand what is wrong with you. You're a child. Children like sweets.''_ She spoke deliberately slowly as if she was trying to explain something to an especially dumb person. Anja knew how much this would annoy the future Lighting Arcobaleno, which was the exact reason why she was doing it. _''How can you not like them?''_

 _''They're sticky and disgusting and will make your teeth rot.''_ was his quick answer.

 _''Why are we even friends?''_ questioned Anja, moving her arms dramatically to the side. _''No, why are you even here? To the destroy my wonderful Christmas spirit?''_

Verde rolled his eyes and forced some chocolate bonbons into her hands. _''You forced me to come, remember?''_

 _''If I hadn't, you would have spent the whole day tinkering with your tools. It's Christmas, you know. You're supposed to spent time with your family and friends during Christmas,''_ proclaimed the Cloud, patting the boy's green hair.

The sad thing was that without her interference, he would probably also miss half of the evening feast. Verde was very antisocial because of his high intellect and maturity. It was obvious to Anja that he found it very hard to get along or even connect with other children.

Anja's own mental age was the reason why the young boy seemed to immediately take a liking to her. During their first dinner together, Verde had been severely surprised by the fact that she could converse with him easily and also understand what he was often talking about. When Anja asked for a clarification, it wasn't because she did not know a word but because she did not know it in the specific language they were conversing in.

This meant that the child genius found it easy to connect with her and actually did not mind her company.

Another reason for this could be the fact that Anja agreed to teach him Croatian in the future.

 _''Though, if you really want to leave, you can do that now.''_ Anja paused to let the meaning of her words sink in. _''I'll be leaving soon to help Iwona cook anyway._ _We should be finished in about three or four hours after which I'll come to get you. Be ready by then.''_

 _''Ready?''_ Tilting his head to the side, Verde regarded her with a hesitant look.

Anja rolled her eyes and stared pointedly at his dirty shirt. _''You can't come to the feast in oil covered clothes.''_

The challenging look in the boy's eyes made her almost regret saying anything. By now, Anja knew him well enough to recognize that he might just do the opposite of what she had asked to spite her.

Sighing, Anja shooed the boy away.

She could force him into some clean clothes later.

For now, only the waffles Iwona had promised to help her make mattered.

* * *

XX.

* * *

Iwona and Yves ended up gifting her with a slackrope made from polyester. As slacklining wasn't yet known, they had to order it specifically for her.

With Arnold's help, she managed to successfully wrap the rope around the tree and tension it.

The day after Christmas, Anja stepped on a slackrope for the first time.

It was also that day that she found her true passion.

The girl knew that it would take her a few years to truly master her new profession - She had fallen down from the slackrope after taking only a few steps upon it. - but she also knew that this was something she would not mind doing for a living in the future.

She did not mind that some of the other acrobats seemed to be skeptical when it came to her newest idea. Anja did not need them to like what she was doing.

When the right time came, Yves would certainly accept her slacklining and incorporate it into his shows.

Anja had a goal and she would work hard to reach it.

 _(...in a few years time, the girl would laugh at how little she actually managed to change..._

 _..._

 _...at the end, she would become Skull de Mort..._

 _..._

 _...whether she liked it or not...)_


	7. Chapter 7

**It's been quite some time since a I have updated anything. There are no excuses besides a missing inspiration for that. I hope that I will able to finish the next update faster, though I make no promises.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Have fun.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 7_

 _The Strength Of Her Will_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _How Her Power Evolved_

* * *

 _"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."_

 _― H. Jackson Brown Jr., P.S. I Love You_

 _"Power resides only where men believe it resides. [...] A shadow on the wall, yet shadows can kill. And ofttimes a very small man can cast a very large shadow."_  
 _― George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings_

* * *

XXI.

The year 1965 started with Yves and a few other members of the circus singing a song of the Rolling Stones loudly, filling the main tent with their rambunctious voices. They were twirling around the room, completely uncaring about the laughter that echoed in their wake.

Anja watched them from her perch next to Verde. A bright smile graced her lips as she leaned forward to get a better view of her male guardian. Amused, she noted the way he had attached himself to Arnold. His arm was thrown over the other man's shoulder and he kept pulling him alongside himself. Half of the whisky in Yves' right hand was spilled before it could reach his mouth due to his erratic movements.

The sounds her fellow circus members were making were so loud that they completely overpowered the small radio that stood in the middle of the room.

She was pretty sure that the song they were currently singing had already ended a while ago.

Laughing joyously, Anja jumped down from her seat on the railing of the tribune and proceeded to tug on her green haired friend's hand. ''Come on, let's join them.''

Verde looked at her incredulously. ''You want to get involved in that?''

''Yes,'' answered Anja while she nodded her vigorously. ''It'll be fun.''

He looked at her as if their definitions of fun greatly differed. Which, admittedly, was probably the case, the girl thought merrily.

Deciding that there was no sense in dallying, the Cloud grabbed her friend's hand and tugged him towards herself. Then she proceeded to imitate her guardian by throwing an arm over Verde's shoulder and pulling him towards their destination. She chose to ignore the boy's unhappy grumbling because she knew that he would enjoy himself at the end like he always did.

Despite being intoxicated, most adults still managed to be careful enough not to bump into the children that had joined their midst. Still, the girl thought that it would be safer for them to stay away from those who seemed to be especially _joyful_ that evening. Although neither Verde nor her were as small as they had been two years ago, they were still small enough to be severely hurt by someone falling onto them. While this would represent no true danger for her, Verde hadn't activated his Flames as of yet which meant that getting squashed by someone could have some rather unpleasant consequences.

''You've gotta move, you know?'' Anja said as she saw the stiff way in which Verde held himself before her. When she received only a glare in response, she grabbed the boy's hands and pointedly looked down at her feet. ''Just copy the way I move and try not to step on me toes.''

After sending one more withering look in her direction, Verde followed her instructions. It was slightly awkward, the way they moved through the throng of people. Her dance partner obviously felt frustrated by the fact that he could not properly copy her movements - Stupid perfectionist that he was, Anja mused fondly. - but she still found their dance to be rather enjoyable. The whole thing became even better when Verde managed to relax somewhere around the third rendition of 'Around And Around'.

The small smile that tilted his lips upwards made Anja laugh merrily.

Not even her squashed toe managed to silence her happiness.

* * *

XXII.

Dying Will Flames had no true limits besides one: _the human imagination._

When Anja had started experimenting with her own Cloud Flames, she had been rather skeptical about their capabilities. After all, she had not even been sure about how they worked back then.

It turned out that the only thing that matter at the end was the strength of her own _will_ and _resolve._

(...Though, she privately thought that there had to be some other components to it as well...

...

...there had to be a reason why the Arcobaleno were so much stronger than all the other Flame users...)

As her Flames seemed to work the best internally, Anja chose to first experiment with her own body. At first, she had been a little afraid of harming herself, but that fear quickly dissolved when she found out about all the things she could do with her new powers.

Apparently, she could even propagate the melanin in her hair and thus darken its color. She could also use her Cloud Flames to make her hair longer.

Now she never had to worry about receiving a bad haircut again.

Though, her Flames had more uses than just a few rather superficial ones. They allowed her to propagate her muscles and and five senses, which could be very disorienting when done at the wrong place. Injuries were healed by them within minutes or even seconds.

There was also the one memorable time when James, a boy her age and fellow acrobat, decided that it would be a great idea to push her from a jetty into a lake. The problem was that Anja had never learned how to swim, thus she sunk in the water like a heavy stone. As the air began to dwindle in her lungs, her Cloud Flames somehow managed to propagate the remainder of it until one of the older acrobats rescued her.

The whole experience was something she would prefer to never repeat, though it did teach her of another capability of her powers.

Unfortunately, Anja could not do much when it came to manifesting her Flames externally. Perhaps it was because she did not have one of those fancy rings the Vongola had or maybe she just needed more training. Flames were a lot like muscles in that respect. The more you trained them, the stronger they got.

The only thing she did manage to do externally was to light her palm on fire for a few seconds. This, obviously, wasn't very helpful.

However, as Anja had never been one to give up, she would continue trying until something came of it.

* * *

XXIII.

Purple and white, those were the colors of the helmet her father had left her behind. A helmet that was the only remainder of Filip's biggest dream. It was very tacky in a way and also one of Anja's most treasured possessions.

(...more than once she had wondered how the events would have unfolded if Filip had chosen to wear it on the day of his death...

...

... _would he have been still alive?...)_

Despite what everyone had said, Anja had worn it to her father's funeral. Dressed in a black dress and with the helmet on her head, the girl had stood at the front of the crowd and watched her father's casket being lowered into the ground next to the woman that could have been her mother in this life.

It presented her with the benefit of hiding her tears from all the onlookers and shielding her from their disapproving glances.

Besides, Anja had never been someone who conformed to society's expectations. If she wanted to show Filip her respect by wearing the symbol of his passion to his funeral, then she would do it no matter what everyone else thought.

And she continued doing this every time she went to visits her _parent's_ graves at the Guillotière Cemetery in Lyon.

Anja never quite knew how she should feel during those visits. The girl missed her father and always felt sad when she stood near the reminder that he wasn't there anymore. Filip had been the only family she had had in this world and perhaps that was her biggest problem. Veronica might have been her biological mother, but she wasn't her _family._ Had Anja been a normal child, then she might have perhaps been capable of loving this woman. As it was, she could not bring herself to care about a stranger she had never known. Where love should have been, there was only a vague sense of guilt and remorse.

Veronica had died for a child that would never be her _daughter._ She had not been much older than _Eliza_ when she had been forced to meet her end.

Anja could only hope that the woman had been granted the same second chance as the girl herself had received.

Still, despite her conflicting feelings, Anja made sure to visit her parent's graves at least once a year. She respected both Croatians and felt an immense gratitude towards both of them. Without those two people, the child would not have been a part of this world. Without them she would not have received this second chance.

Thus, she saw it as her duty to visit and take care of their graves at least once a year. She would have done so more often if her new life in circus would have allowed it.

Each time after she finished thoroughly scrubbing their graves, the girl laid down a bouquet of dark pink roses, gladiolus and red spider lilies before it.

Although it was not the most beautiful mix, it did signify all she wanted to convey to those two people who inadvertently played such a big role in her life.

 _Gratitude. Remembrance. Reincarnation._

She was grateful for this second life they had inadvertently given her. Grateful for everything Filip had done for a girl that had taken his daughter's place. Thus, no matter what happened, Anja would never forget these two wonderful people and hoped that they might meet each other again in another life.

A soft smile curled Anja's lips upwards as she traced the inscribed names of her parents on the grave. ''It's been a while since I've been last here to visit you. I've finally managed to persuade Yves that my slackline idea is actually a good one.''

The girl paused. She had never been truly comfortable while visiting the cemetery, especially because she knew that there was no one there who could listen to her. Anja found talking better than a complete silence though, so that was exactly what she did. ''I've made progress with my training and a few of the other acrobats have even shown some interest in slacklining.'' Pulling her hand away from the grave, the Cloud pursed her lips slightly. ''So, yeah, I'm fine and I hope that the same applies to the both you, wherever you might actually be right now.''

She straightened the flowers in front of the grave and whispered a few last parting words. There wasn't much time left until she had to meet up with her caretakers at the entrance of the cemetery, thus the girl picked up her small back from the ground and turned around to leave after sparing one last glance at her parents' resting place.

In a year Anja would be back to speak with their ghosts again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 8_

 _Out Of Order_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Where A Youngling Learns How To Bite_

* * *

 _nefelibata_ (n.) _lit. "cloud_ _walker_ _"; one who lives_ _in_ _the_ _clouds_ _of their own imagination, or one who does not_ _obey_ _by the conventions of society, literature, or art_

* * *

XXIV.

* * *

Slacklinig was akin to flying.

The more Anja trained, the higher up she performed her acrobatics. Yves still hadn't allowed her to perform during a show - he probably wouldn't do so until she was at least fourteen - but he did see the potential of her passion now. The circus director was a business man and he could see how much money the circus could earn with Anja's future show.

She did not mind that the man cared so much about profit. He wasn't the only one who would benefit from the money, every member of the circus would.

And then there was also the fact that he had gifted Anja with an opportunity of a happy future. A future in which she could fulfill her dreams and travel the world. Yves had also taken her in into his home and the girl knew that in his own way the man cared about her.

Besides, she loved slacklining and she would certainly enjoy performing in front of a crowd.

There was nothing that could quite compare to doing a back-flip about six meters above ground, never really certain whether she would manage to land and keep her balance on the slackline again.

The thing was though, that Anja did not really have anything to fear. She could _not_ die, after all, and her Flames enhanced her body in ways that allowed her do things that should have normally been impossible.

While she did not know much about slacklining in general, Anja was pretty sure that she should not be capable of jumping as high as she did without crashing onto the ground. She was not supposed to fly through the air and then land on the slackline as gracefully as a cat.

Had she still been Eliza, she would not have dared to let herself fall backwards onto the line so easily. The Cloud would not have trusted herself enough not to die.

And yet, here she was, practically dancing across the slackline and performing more and more dangerous acrobatics each year.

(...she ignored how similar that actually made her to the original Skull...)

Iwona worried for her, but the girl could do nothing against that.

She would not give up on her dream, not for her and not for anyone else.

* * *

XXV.

* * *

Iliana was the one who first proposed taking part in a martial arts course to the other acrobats. She had found a flyer in town and decided that it might actually be a good idea for the girls in the circus to learn how to properly defend themselves.

All things considered, it wasn't really a wonder that Iliana was the one to propose such a thing. From what Anja knew, the other girl's mother had been killed during a mugging only about a year ago.

The thing that truly irritated Anja was that she herself had somehow never thought about such a thing. Despite what the future had in store for her, the young Cloud wasn't someone who enjoyed fighting. She would protect herself if she had to, but she would not enjoy harming another person.

Still, it was better if she had at least some basic knowledge about self-defense rather than the other way around. Thus, Anja ended up being the first one who actually agreed to take some lessons with Iliana.

The two girls might have had a little rivalry going on, but that did not stop them from being something akin to friends.

They went to the first course on a Thursday evening together with another three acrobats.

Jiu-Jitsu was a Japanese martial arts that used a person's own force against them. During their few lessons they learned the basics of defeating someone armed and armored in close combat.

Anja could not claim that any of them became masters of the art in the few weeks they spent in Sweden, but they did know at least a little about how to properly protect themselves.

Besides, she was also certain that this wouldn't be the last course Iliana and her visited. Whether the other members of the circus chose to do the same or not did not matter, the two girls would learn how to protect themselves either way.

The Cloud did not know when she would be able to take another lesson. She would have to find another teacher actually willing to teach women. Those weren't as rare as some might think, but they weren't exactly common either.

Then there was also the question of the kind of lessons she would take. Anja doubted there would be a Jiu-Jitsu master in each town and city they visited.

Other martial arts were something she was willing to learn. Although this might not be too good in the long run - Anja did not know all that much about fighting, so she couldn't really tell - the girl still wanted to learn as much as she could.

The next time she would also make sure to drag Verde with her.

Her friend might have not liked the idea, but he needed to know how protect himself.

They both did if they were to survive the future.

* * *

XXVI.

* * *

Grocery shopping was not something Anja enjoyed.

She always got irritated by the huge amount of people in the store - because when one member of the circus decided to go grocery shopping, at least ten others had to tag along - who constantly kept brushing against her.

Then there was also the long line at the cash register that always seemed to form before Anja and her female guardian managed to get there. Once the two of them had to wait about half an hour before they could pay for the four items they needed to purchase for dinner.

The girl had glared holes into everyone they had passed on their way home that day.

This time the local grocery store seemed to be even fuller than usually, or perhaps it was just its small size that made it seem that way. The circus was currently residing in a small town in Holland and Anja was pretty sure that they would be continuing as soon as they managed to stock up their supplies.

In a town as small as this, there weren't actually many people who would be able to visit one of their shows. This meant that there would be no income for the next few days, which was something they actually could not afford for too long.

''We should get some cherries before the others take them all,'' muttered the purple haired girl as she put a carton of milk into their shopping cart.

Regarding a shelve filled with all kinds of juices, Iwona murmured her answer. ''Viktor promised to take some for us as well, so we don't have to worry about that.''

''I didn't know that he chose to come with us,'' said Anja, her gaze wandering over the crowd of people in the store. ''Is Verde here too?''

Iwona shook her head. ''No, they came here earlier. Viktor didn't want to fight his way through this crowd.''

Anja groaned loudly. ''Why didn't we come earlier? This whole endeavor would have been way easier then.''

''Earlier?'' A mocking smile appeared on the woman's face. ''You mean when you were sleeping?''

The Cloud rubbed her neck sheepishly. ''You could have woken me up.''

''Certainly. Because that's so easy to manage,'' said the woman, the tone of her voice showing exactly what she thought about such a course of action.

Unable to argue that point - Anja knew how insufferable she was in the morning - the girl just turned away and continued putting everything they needed into the cart.

She had to push her way through the crowd to the back of the store, so that she could get some yogurt. By the time she arrived back at Iwona's side, the woman was already moving towards the cash register.

Just as Anja had expected, the line there was impossibly long.

Looking up at her caretaker, the girl saw how the Polish woman pursed her lips.

''Go buy a baguette in that nice bakery we had seen yesterday,'' Iwona instructed. Then she put some coins into Anja's hand. ''If you hurry, we might still get one.''

Seeing the instruction as a chance for escape, the young Cloud turned towards the entrance of the local grocery store and moved quickly towards it. She had to push past a group of older teens who grumbled in irritation when she forced her way through their semi-circle.

A bell rang above the door when she pushed open the entrance and finally left the store.

The streets outside were somewhat crowded, though she had seen worse during their travels across the world. Hurrying down the sidewalk, the girl made sure not to walk into any of adult passing by her. From her position, she could already see her destination at the end of the street.

Had she not been so focused on getting there as fast as possible, then Anja might have noticed the foreign man tailing her. As it was, she did not realize that someone was following her until a large hand took a hold of her arm from behind and started quickly dragging her into the nearest alleyway.

A hand was put over her mouth and before Anja could even start finding her bearings, her body was slammed against the brick wall of the nearest building. Loudly, a crack echoed through the empty alley and pain flooded her body, quickly followed by the sensation of her Flames gathering at the injured sites.

Anja whimpered, the sound muffled by the hand over her mouth.

''We've been waiting the whole week for the right moment to get you, girl. Our boss is quite adamant about having you,'' her kidnapper hissed as he reached inside the pocket of his jacket.

There was moment of confusion during which Anja had some difficulties focusing her gaze on the man. This changed quickly into downright panic when she saw the damp cloth in his hand and the way the stranger was moving it in the direction of her face.

 _(...he was trying to take her_ freedom _...)_

Her hands moved frantically, trying to stop the man from what she presumed to be drugging her. Purple Flames danced upon her skin as she managed to hit the man's chin with her right palm.

His head snapped to the side, eyes narrowing in anger. ''If Clouds weren't as rare as they are, I would fucking dispose of you right now.''

The hand that held her shoulder against the wall moved towards Anja's neck, grabbing it in a tight hold.

Immediately chocking due to the lack of air, the purple haired girl instinctively clawed at the man's hand.

 _(...her Flames never stopped flaring...)_

Just as the edges of her vision started to darken, she felt the man's hold on her slacken. With some difficulty, Anja forced her eyes to focus on the his face, only to witness how blood started dripping not only from his nose but also his eyes and ears. Soon the stranger started even coughing up the red liquid. He let completely go of Anja, his whole face colored with fear.

(...deep within her, a part of her soul seemed to _purr...)_

Unable to hold up her weight, the girl's legs gave out underneath her and she fell onto her behind. Small hands flew towards her throat as if to protect it from a further assault.

The man before her begun chocking on his own blood.

A part of Anja, the one that wasn't numb from shock, was _horrified._ That same part also knew that Anja herself had _caused_ whatever was happening to the man before her, intentionally or not.

Considering all the blood that was pooling around the kidnapper, the Cloud could only guess that her Flames had somehow propagated the blood in his veins until the vessels started literary exploding.

And now he was drowning in the blood that had started gathering in his lungs.

''I...I...,'' Anja stuttered, reaching out towards the man with a trembling hand. _''Oh god.''_

 _(...Why was there so much blood?..._

 _..._

 _...This wasn't what she had wanted when she thought about getting away..._

 _..._

 _..._

 _...was it?...)_

An accusing gaze met her own, the white of the eyes colored a bright red. Something that might have been a plea for help passed the man's lips before he fell forward and continued chocking loudly.

Unbidden, Anja's legs started pushing her towards the entrance of the alley, her focus never moving away from her _victim._

She wondered whether this, whatever this even was, could be considered as self-defense or not. The man might have tried to kidnap her, but the girl doubted that he actually deserved such a _gruesome_ death.

And he would certainly be dead soon enough, securing Anja the title of a _murderer_ along the way.

 _(...that was just the beginning of everything...)_


	9. Chapter 9

**Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Have fun.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 9_

 _Dancing Through Time_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Where History Is Written_

* * *

 _"When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves."_  
 _― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters_

 _"History, like love, is so apt to surround her heroes with an atmosphere of imaginary brightness."_  
 _― James Fenimore Cooper, The Last of the Mohicans_

* * *

XXVII.

* * *

April 14th 1967 was the day during which 10.000 people marched against the Vietnam war in San Francisco. Anja listened to the news of this as she stood motionlessly in front of the radio, her face pale and eyes wide open.

The knowledge that she had killed someone just a few hours ago danced across her mind, making her feel horrified due to the fact that her brain was already trying to rationalize her actions.

 _Self-defense,_ that was what her actions had been. No one in their right mind would call them anything else and Anja knew that she had to do the same.

She had killed someone, yes, but it hadn't been cold-blooded murder.

Feeling guilty was a normal human reaction and an indicator that she wasn't actually a psychopath. The thing about guilt was though, that a person could not let themselves drown in it. Doing that would only ultimately destroy Anja and everything she had worked so hard for up until now.

Besides, it wasn't as if death was actually the _end._ The girl doubted that she was the only person to ever receive a second chance, thus she had not truly robbed the stranger of his _life._ He would be born again, with or without his memories, and get the chance to built himself a new future just as she had.

Consecutively, Anja realized that she did not really feel guilty about _killing_ this man. He would have done the same to her if it were not for her supposed high value.

By now, the Cloud also knew that death was not the worst thing that could actually happen to a person. In some ways, it was even very _liberating._

The things Anja felt incredibly sorry about and could not stop from playing across her mind were the _pain_ she had unwittingly caused this stranger and the loss he would now have to go through. Nothing could ever quite compare to the ache of losing _everything._

Ones family, friends and any future plans one might have had.

Her only consolation was that if the Mafioso played his cards right in his next life, he could rebuilt all of that just as she had. It wouldn't be easy, she knew that, but it was possible.

Life would go on for the both of them, no matter how much they might regret meeting each other in that dark alley.

(...and life did indeed go on for her...

...

 _...as did the kidnappings that from then on started to occur with a startling regularity...)_

* * *

XXVIII.

* * *

As Eliza she had always liked the idea of having a pet. The idea of a cute little dog or cat that she could cuddle and spent time with. A companion that would be loyal to her and incapable of judging her for all of her deficits.

She used to beg her parents for a dog, trying to persuade them with tears and sad exclamations. They never fell for it, of course, and with age Eliza learned to understand their reasoning.

Pets might have been wonderful companions, but they were also a huge responsibility Eliza had not been ready to take upon herself.

Still, nothing ever quite managed to change the girl's desire for a pet. She liked animals, they were in some ways very easy to understand and unlike with humans, Anja did not have to fear being stabbed in the back by them.

Their circus was in the possession of two dogs as far as she knew, who sometimes performed acts with their owner, Olivia. The woman was an ex-acrobat who used to earn her money with horse shows. Nowadays, she couldn't do that anymore due to an old injury, though this did not mean that she gave completely up on her passion.

At heart, Olivia was a performer, a showman, thus she came up with another way to appear on stage.

It took some time until woman found the right dogs for herself and then managed to train them properly, however, at the end it turned out to be worth all her troubles.

There was something very heartening about watching her train with Kayla and Gus, a Golden Retriever and Cocker Spaniel respectively. Perhaps this was Anja's sentimental side speaking, but she could not help but admire the older woman for _not giving up._

Even if it meant that Olivia pushed some of her easier duties onto her and the other children to have some more time for practice.

Still, the Cloud would have preferred if those duties did not entail mucking out the stables.

''You know, I've got way better things to do than this,'' Verde complained as he came up behind her with a now empty wheelbarrow. ''Olivia always pushes this onto us with the excuse that she's gotta train.''

Anja pursed her lips. ''Well, she _does_ have to train. Yves has just recently allowed her to perform again and she can't allow herself any mistakes yet.''

''You're biased.'' The green haired boy rolled his eyes. ''You admire her tenacity, which is why you give her too much leniency.''

''I just know what it's like to be forced to give up on ones dreams. Not everyone would strong enough to stand up again after the blow that she had received,'' explained Anja while narrowing her eyes in his direction.

He snorted. ''Since when do you know how something like that feels like? It's not as if any of your injuries were ever permanent. Besides, none of this is an excuse for her using us this way.''

Ignoring the way her heart throbbed painfully at his nonchalant words, Anja said calmly, ''It's not as if she's the only one doing this. All of the adults use us that way and we probably won't be any better when we're older.''

A soft grumble was the only answer she received.

Knowing Verde, that was probably the end of their conversation for him. He wasn't much of a talker, especially if a discussion did not go his way.

Already used to his moods, Anja ignored this fact easily and regarded the boy fondly as she continued prattling on. ''We'll be going to Copenhagen soon. I thought that perhaps we could explore some of the city on a free day.''

He just shrugged his shoulders.

''Iwona told me that she talked with your father about us going by ourselves.'' That seemed to immediately catch his attention. Anja grinned. ''If we promise to be on our best behavior and to come back before curfew, they will allow us to go alone.''

Staring at her with his wide green eyes, Verde murmured almost reverently, ''Really? How did you get them to agree to this?''

''I've got no idea,'' said the Cloud while continuing her appointed task. ''They were surprisingly agreeable.''

Verde narrowed his eyes, his expression thoughtful. ''And you don't find that suspicious?''

''I don't really care,'' answered Anja truthfully. ''Perhaps they've just realized that we're getting slowly older. Or maybe they think that we're going on some kind of date or something. Either way, it doesn't matter.''

Her friend spluttered, shock written all over his face. ''A date? Why ever would we think that?''

''Don't tell me you've never heard them talking about us and our future together?'' Anja tilted her head to the side and smiled in amusement. ''It's quite funny how wrong they are in their assumptions, but I do wonder when they'll realize the truth.''

''No, I haven't.'' He looked taken aback. ''I would never marry _you_ of all people.''

His voice was colored by such an affront that Anja actually felt kind of insulted. ''Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?''

A slightly sheepish expression appeared on his face. ''That wasn't actually meant to sound as insulting as it did. It's just that instead of having blood siblings, I have you and well, there are just some things I believe one shouldn't do with...you know,'' he trailed of awkwardly, obviously realizing how emotional their whole talk had gotten.

Knowing that this was probably the closest Verde would ever come to admitting that he cared about her, Anja smiled happily as a warm feeling spread throughout her entire being. ''It's alright, I was just kidding.'' She paused and looked pointedly at wheelbarrow. ''You should probably go empty that.''

Relief appeared on his face and he nodded his head vigorously. Within seconds, the future Lightning Arcobaleno could be found next to the wheelbarrow, his hands already taking a hold of its handles.

''Verde,'' Anja called before he disappeared from her sight. ''Just so that you know, I love you too.''

She had never seen him run so fast.

* * *

XXIX.

* * *

Entering the crowded tent, Anja could scarcely believe what she was about to witness. In just a few minutes the live broadcast of the Apollo 11 mission would begin.

Pushing her way to the front, the Cloud once again thought about the fact that she was about to live through a vital part of history. It was during such moments that she often registered the actual impossibility of her entire situation and how lucky she was in some ways.

More than a little eager, Anja lowered herself onto the seat next to Verde. The future Lightning had woken up very early this morning to secure them two front seats. Without him, Anja would have most probably been forced to sit at the back and thus been incapable of seeing anything shown on the small TV.

''Can you believe it?'' Verde questioned excitedly once she settled down next to him. ''The first human on the moon! How I wish that I could be there in person as well.''

Anja laughed lightly at that. ''You would have to be an astronaut for that. Considering your motion sickness, I don't think that's a possibility.''

The Spaniard pouted and immediately stopped when he realized what he was doing. ''To see moon with my own eyes, I would suffer through way more than some messily motion sickness.''

Shacking her head, the Cloud opened her mouth, only to have whatever she might have said next suddenly interrupted by the sound of the television being turned on. Her eyes immediately flickered towards the small screen and focused on the happenings it was showing.

At first, the screen just stayed a light grey, though it soon changed into a studio. A reporter recounted the Apollo mission in great detail, mentioning the great sacrifices that had been made to complete it. Then the scene changed once again.

Silence reigned throughout the whole room as the first live scenes from the moon appeared. The quality was nothing Anja had been used to in the future and the black and white coloring made recognizing anything difficult.

Still, when Neil Armstrong appeared on screen, everyone held their breath.

Next to her, Verde was leaning forward, as if trying to reach the moon himself through the small apparatus before them.

The Cloud's focus snapped back to the TV when she hear Armstrong utter his most famous words.

 _"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind,"_ echoed through the whole tent.

Twitching in excitement, Anja could not stop herself from smiling as she watched history being written before her.


	10. Chapter 10

**I've already written an outline for the next few chapters. Hopefully, this will mean that the next update isn't too far away, though I make no promises.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 10_

 _All Around The World_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Of Newfound Fame And Worldly_ _Adventures_

* * *

 _oneirataxia_ (n.) _inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality_

* * *

XXX.

* * *

Looking over the crowd from her high vantage, Anja spied the next attraction she wished to visit in the Tivoli Gardens. ''Let's try out the bumper cars,'' she said to the boy next to her.

''The bumper cars?'' Verde questioned, his forehead furrowing slightly. ''You do realize how long the queue to them is, don't you?''

She raised an eyebrow provocatively and regarded her companion mockingly. ''And you do remember how I woke up especially early this morning just so that I could wait at the entrance of the Museum of Medical History for two hours alongside you, don't you?''

He heaved a loud sigh. ''At least you learned something new there.''

''And what exactly is that?'' She inquired, rolling her eyes all the while. The museum had been interesting, but today's medical knowledge could not compare to the 21st century's.

Pleadingly, he looked up at the sky. ''You're insufferable. If you really have to ask me that, then there is nothing I can actually do to safe you.''

''That's just overly dramatic.'' Anja pursed her lips in mock indignation. ''Just because I'm not interested in medicine doesn't mean that I have to forfeit my entire future.''

Verde huffed and took a hold of her hand. ''You know what, just forget it. I know a lost cause when I see it.''

''Now that's just mean,'' Anja claimed, squeezing her friend's hand just a _little_ too tightly. She remembered Eliza's sister doing the same to her before that awful accident when their mother forced the older girl to take care of the younger one. It was a rather bittersweet memory. ''How about we go to the bumper cars right now? Standing here stupidly won't make the queue any shorter.''

Obviously reluctant, the future Lightning nodded his head. ''It's not as if I've got much of a choice here, huh?''

Anja smiled brightly, her eyes sharp albeit not unkind. ''No, you don't, though it's good that you've finally realized your place in our hierarchy.''

''Don't get too full of yourself.'' He pinched her arm until her hold on his hand lessened. ''But yeah, let's go.''

Sticking out her tongue, the acrobat followed her friend into the throng of people. Unfortunately, the last few years had not changed the fact that both Verde and Anja were as intimidating as a pair of squirrels, which meant that they had to almost aggressively fight their way through the crowd.

After pushing aside a few of the other visitors and elbowing a man who was especially rude to Verde during their short journey across the amusement park, the two teens arrived at their destination. There the queue was just as long as it had appeared from afar, making their perspectives even more daunting.

''You really want to do this?'' Asked the green haired boy, his eyes practically pleading with her to not do this to him.

Regrettably for Verde, Anja had always enjoyed pushing his buttons, thus the answer ended up being not in his favor. ''Of course, and _afterwards_ we're gonna ride the roller coaster.''

At the end, they had to wait an hour for their turn. The constipated expression Verde wore on his face all the while made the lost time entirely worth her while.

(...internally, Anja enjoyed the smile that bloomed on his face once they sat down inside their respective bumper cars even more...

...

...like always, her friend ended up enjoying one of her ideas more than he had previously anticipated...

...

...

...there weren't many things in the world Anja relished as much as seeing her loved ones _happy...)_

* * *

XXXI.

* * *

''There is no going back now, Anja,'' said Yves as he adjusted the top hat on his head. He was dressed rather flamboyantly in red and white, his beard trimmed into a bushy mustache.

The first show of this season was about to begin and the older man wasn't the only one nervous about the upcoming events. Not only would one of the acrobats be performing on a new and relatively untrained horse this time around, but Anja would also be showing the world her talent on the slackline.

Gulping visibly, the Cloud inclined her head. ''Yeah, I know. I'm ready for this.''

''Let's hope so,'' murmured Yves so quietly that she almost did not hear it. Her male guardian had never been all that good at comforting other people, his brusque nature oftentimes coming across as insensitive and callous. It was a fortunate thing that after living with him for more than seven years the girl had long since learned that this was just the way he was when nervous and that he did actually care about her and her success. ''Good luck then. Don't do anything stupid, Anja, or your parents will never forgive me for endangering you.''

A slightly melancholic smile appeared on her face. There weren't many things that she wished for more than Filip being there to witness the beginning of her dream. ''I'll be careful.''

The circus leader nodded his head firmly, uttered a few slightly encouraging words and then proceeded to leave the girl behind the scenes. From her position outside the main tent, Anja could hear the applause he received at his appearance and the following greeting and introduction he shouted dramatically into the microphone.

Her performance was set at about the middle of the whole show, thus the girl still had some time to prepare herself for her upcoming debut. This was something Anja could not appreciate no matter how much she tried. After all, it only meant that there was more than enough time for her to fret about any mistakes she might or might not make. To feel an unnecessary panic and to consider running away from everything.

Despite being on the cusp of reaching her dream, Anja could not stop herself from feeling incredibly _nervous._

''You look as if you're about to puke,'' stated Verde dryly from behind her trembling form.

Looking over her shoulder, the acrobat narrowed her eyes. ''I feel like that too, so if you've come here to make fun of me, my dinner might end up decorating your shoes in a few minutes.''

''Please don't.'' He raised his hands in a placating manner. ''I'm not here to make fun of you. Knowing you and Yves, I just thought that you could most likely use some support.''

Anja's gaze softened. ''I guess I do.'' She looked down at her trembling hands. ''I just...what if something goes wrong?''

''I've seen you performing, you know? I don't often agree with Iliana, but she wasn't wrong when she said that you're talented.'' Hesitantly, he put a hand on her shoulder. The future Lightning had never been one for initiating human contact. ''You'll do fine.''

And she did just that and more. When Anja's turn finally came, she entered the manege with her late father's helmet on her head and a confident albeit slightly shaky set to her shoulders. Climbing up the ladder towards her slackline was easier than she had expected and was quickly followed by Anja revealing her painted face to the audience.

The line underneath her feet had by now become as familiar to her as the ground itself, thus the girl found no difficulty in practically dancing across it. She twirled and jumped and let herself fall backwards, not even once losing control over her body. All around her, people roared their approval, prompting the girl to jump just a tad bit higher and to perform acrobatics that she had first considered as too risky for this show.

 _She had never felt so alive before._

Purple Flames flared to life and enhanced not only her muscles but also her sense of balance. Using this to her advantage, Anja performed an especially dangerous back flip, adrenaline coursing through her body all the while. There was a moment of uncertainty in the air as her eyes took in how far away from her the ground actually was. Should she have fallen, the girl would have certainly broken her neck.

Her feet came in touch with the slackline before Anja could even properly contemplate the consequences of such a thing and the girl stumbled, catching herself dramatically at the last moment.

The whole crowd seemed to hold its breath until the girl looked down at them and grinned brightly, waving her arms at both sides daringly.

Loudly, the people started to clap their hands. Whistles and shouts of approval filled the entire tent, showing everyone's appreciation for Anja's skills.

Exhilarated, the Cloud bowed and stepped off the slackline.

The applause continued long after she had left the tent.

* * *

XXXII.

* * *

Iwona never expected to be a mother.

Once or twice, when she had still been a young girl, she had thought of such a thing, but those images were quickly squashed into nothingness when the woman found out that she was barren. It was a hard blow, however, she recover from it with time.

Yves' rather adamant claims of him never wanting to have children to begin with helped, yet it was joining the ' _Lanterne Française'_ that truly managed to push the grief entirely away from her mind. The circus quickly became her home, its people her family.

With all the people she had to suddenly take care of as the circus director's wife, Iwona did not even think about adding a child into the mix.

The woman was happy with her life. She had a loving husband, a best friend that was akin to a sister to her and a whole new family to look after.

Life was good. Things were going well for the circus, which made all of its members quite happy.

And then Veronica _died_ and little Lubanja was born.

Losing her best friend wasn't easy, especially because a tiny replica of her was now a part of the circus. Iwona was ashamed to admit that she at first did not even want to look at Anja. It _hurt_ to constantly see a reminder of the sister she had lost.

Anja looked almost exactly like Veronica and she even had her talent when it came to acrobatics.

But those were all the similarities mother and daughter shared.

Lubanja was _different._ She never quite seemed to belong anywhere, always questioning the ideals of the world around her. The girl knew things that she shouldn't and despite how much she tried to hide it, there was just something _other_ about her.

None of that stopped the child from pulling the people surrounding her _in._

People flocked towards Anja. Iwona saw all the shady characters regarding the little girl with interest on the streets. It worried her how much attention the young acrobat actually seemed to be calling towards herself.

It wasn't _normal,_ though, admittedly Anja had never been _normal_ either.

The woman wasn't blind to all of the girl's injuries and miraculous recoveries. She had seen Anja falling down from a tightrope that was located six meters above the ground without even suffering some bruising afterwards.

And yet, despite all that, Iwona still had come to see the girl as a _daughter._ She had chosen to raise her and consecutively ignored everything that was so very _wrong_ about her.

 _A parent's love was unconditional, after all._


	11. Chapter 11

**Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Have fun.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 11_

 _Out Of Order_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Of Failures and Trickery_

* * *

 _benevolent_ (adj.) _showing or motivated by sympathy and understanding_

* * *

XXXIII.

* * *

Throughout the years, Anja noticed her Flames changing.

In many ways, they reminded the girl of muscles. The more one used them, the stronger they got. Considering that by now Anja used her Cloud Flames almost _all_ of the time, it wasn't hard to guess how much they had developed since their awakening.

There was a reason why she would one day be known as the _strongest_ Cloud in the world. The girl was slowly realizing that such a name might not have been as much of a fancy moniker as she had first guessed.

 _(...a monster resided deep within her chest and she could feel it_ growing _with each passing day...)_

Injuries that had once needed _hours_ to heal, disappeared within seconds or minutes nowadays. The pain she had once felt due to the healing process had by now become inconsequential.

 _Her pain tolerance had never been so high before._

And it weren't just her Flame's healing properties that had increased in strength. Due to the repeated kidnapping attempts, Anja had also learned to control the more _dangerous_ aspects of her powers properly. If they were in closed quarters, the Cloud did not need to touch her enemies anymore to harm them. She had enough raw power to saturate a whole room in her soulfire. By the time her victims noticed that something was going on, they had already breathed in the purple Flames and their bodies were being propagated from inside.

Although the deaths did not get any less gruesome, Anja did stop _caring_ as the time passed. At some point, the faces of her victims all started to blur together and the acrobat lost count of how _many_ people she had killed in self-defense.

As much as it scared her, Anja got desensitized in some ways. This made things both easier and harder. Death was a part of life and the girl had accepted that a long time ago. She did not control it and if someone was stupid enough to come after her, then Anja could not be blamed for bringing it upon that fool.

(...Eliza would have been _appalled...)_

The whole thing was also made easier by the fact that a small part of her _craved_ the violence. Clouds were generally known for their temperament and brutal behavior and the girl was no different than the rest of her 'brethern'.

Anja might have not enjoyed fighting or killing, but there was a small and _savage_ part of her that _needed_ it.

Still, she tried to find an outlet in other activities.

And that was where her acrobatics came in.

The adrenaline her body produced during some of her more reckless acts was intoxicating and seemed to calm the beast within her.

These days, she knew exactly why her male counterpart had chosen his field of work.

Anja _understood_ him and that scared her more than she cared to admit.

* * *

XXXIV.

* * *

A while back, when the circus was stationed in Greece, Iwona and a few of the acrobats went out to get some new costumes for the performers. Among the garments was a tight whole-body suit that reminded Anja of a prisoner uniform she had once seen in a cartoon with Krystyna. The girl did not remember which cartoon exactly, but it did make her feel a little nostalgic, though not in a negative way.

It was a whim that prompted her to try the black and white stripped bodysuit on. When it ended up fitting her like a second skin, Anja decided that it was fated to be.

Unfortunately, Iwona did not share her opinion. The older woman complained that her outfit was too plain for her shows and tried to prompt Anja to search for something new.

As the girl had never been one to follow orders, she did the exact opposite. From that day on, that bodysuit became her official costume.

Though, Anja did decide to yield a little for Iwona's sake. During her next shopping trip, the girl found a bright red shirt that she then put over the bodysuit. Surprisingly enough, the red color did not clash with her purple hair in a bad way.

Still, the colors of her costume, the stark make-up Anja started to apply and the overall persona she adopted on stage made her appear way more dramatic than she actually was. It was quite amusing how often people assumed that she was just a bumbling idiot, only to be surprised when they decided to approach her after the show.

Most of them expected her to be the exuberant person she presented on stage. Associating that person with whom she truly was wasn't easy.

 _(...Anja ignored how similar she had become to Skull de Mort_ _...)_

The truth was, though, that the audience would not have loved her shows even half as much if Anja did not behave the way she did. They came to see a daring and fun acrobat, not a girl that enjoyed cloud-watching and eating _pierogi_ more than anything else.

Anja did not mind pretending to be someone else only so that she could stay on stage. After all, that was something she had already been doing for _years._

Besides, she needed the kick she got out of her performances. Without it, she became very fidgety and incapable of staying still for too long.

''Go on, Anja. It's your turn,'' uttered Arnold as he stepped out of the main tent, sweat covering his brow and a grin firmly in place.

Cutting her musings short, Anja nodded her head. ''Thanks for the info.''

Stepping into the menege and greeting the audience with overeager waves of her arms had by now become second nature to her. The same could be said about climbing the ladder towards the slackline and then taking off her father's beloved helmet. She never failed to wear it to one of her shows.

What Anja wasn't familiar with was having her Flames _prodded_ by someone. It wasn't the first time the girl came upon a _Sky,_ neither was it the first time that one of them tried to pull her in.

This had just never happened during one of her shows before.

At first, the acrobat tried just ignoring the unwanted intruder. Regrettably, this did not work out as well as she had hoped, thus Anja started searching in the crowd for this stupid Sky inbetween her acrobatics.

It turned out to be a man who very obviously noticed her attention on him. His Flames brushed more insistently against hers and Anja shuddered in _disgust._ While there were certainly many Elements that would have jumped at the chance of bonding with him, Anja wasn't one of them. This Sky's Flames weren't even halfway strong enough to be compatible with hers and felt more like a violation than anything else when they brushed against her skin.

Gritting her teeth in anger, Anja forced herself to continue balancing across the rope. Her attention was waning from her actual task as anger began coursing through her veins.

 _(...How dare this weakling touch her?...)_

Letting herself fall backwards against the slackline, Anja was propelled onto her feet. Sparks of purple fire appeared all over her person. They signified her anger and slowly developing _rage._

 _(...Cloud Flames churned within her..._

 _..._

 _...she could barely keep them from lashing out instinctively...)_

Foolishly, the unknown Sky decided that the best time to try his luck once again would be during a back-flip. His Flames latched onto her and Anja _recoiled._ Her body twisted to the side, foot missing the slackline by a centimeter.

Nina Lubanja Filipović _fell._

She fell _six_ meters until her body collided with the ground.

 _Her neck broke._

Silence reigned throughout the whole tent before one after another cries of panic erupted.

The feeling of her bones mending themselves was not an unfamiliar one, neither was the hand on her back. Eyes moving towards Yves, Anja forced her arms to move.

 _She needed to stand up and quell the panic before the situation got completely out of hand._

Her movement immediately quieted the crowd down.

The audience was too far to see it, but Yves had a first row seat to the spectacle that was Anja _snapping_ her head back into place. He paled considerably.

Only years of experience ensured that her guardian continued the show after a few moments of shock. Yves helped her stand up, a manic grin slowly spreading across his face. He raised her arm into the air and shouted into the silence of the room, ''Ladies and gentleman, please, a round of applause for-'' He paused for a second, a contemplative expression appearing on his face before he chose to continue, ''Please, a round of applause for the _Immortal Skull de Mort!''_

The roar of the crowd was easily tuned out by loud beating of Anja's heart.

 _(...Yves never looked at her the same way again...)_

* * *

XXXV.

* * *

Verde's intelligence was beyond average.

That did not stop him from making mistakes. In his defense, though, the teen had thought that he had calculated all the variables of his plan properly and that he would manage to carry it out without a hitch.

Moreover, it wasn't as if this plan hadn't worked out a dozens of times before and earned him more money than anyone else in the circus had.

The idea to cheat while gambling came to him in a moment of reckless genius. It formed due to his ever-present desire to study at a real university and the lacking funds to do so.

If Verde wanted to make something of himself, then he needed to earn money to pay for a higher education. Unlike many other students, the boy did not have the privilege of a wealthy and well-connected family, thus he was faced with many hurdles. After all, there weren't many places a seventeen years old circus member could actually earn a lot of money in a short amount of time.

Thus, gambling.

With the right tactic and a few tricks Verde managed to make quite a lot of money. That is, until he played against the wrong people.

Even though Verde couldn't have known that his opponent was the heir of a French Mob, he should have at least been smart enough to recognize some of the signs after a while.

He should have recognized the danger he was in before the enraged heir pulled out his gun and pointed it at the teens head.

''Did you actually think we would let you get away with this, you little fucker?'' Questioned the man, his auburn eyes set ablaze due to his anger.

Verde's mouth was completely dry as he answered with a wavering voice, ''I...of...of course not. You can keep the money.'' He swallowed visibly. ''Just, _please,_ let me go.''

The mobster _laughed._ ''I can keep the money?'' Loud and clear, the sound of the safety being pulled echoed through the whole room. ''Even if it did not already belong to me, this would still not be something for you to decide.''

At some point, though Verde did not know when exactly, the teen realized that he would _not_ survive that evening. This became even more obvious when the dark haired man pressed his gun harshly against the Spaniard's forehead.

 _Verde did not want to die._

Fear and defiance managed to register in the boy's mind just a second before the mobster pulled the trigger.


	12. Chapter 12

**Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 12_

 _The Ending Of An Era_

 _._

 _._

 _._

* * *

 _"And there is nothing more dangerous in this world, in any world, than someone calm, clear and angry."_  
 _― Audrey Hart, The Dig_

* * *

XXXVI.

* * *

Green, that was the only thing he saw for a short while. It obscured his vision, dulled his senses, and filled him with a kind of euphoria that he had never felt before.

Power flooded his entire being, his hands clenching tightly due to this newfound strength. The armrest of his chair splinter beneath to his touch, surprisingly leaving his skin unharmed.

Verde's whole body tingled, hair standing on end. The looming sense of danger that had appeared the moment his adversary revealed his true identity only seemed to grow as his sight cleared.

Faced once again with the barrel of a gun, the teen blinked twice.

He was pretty sure that he should have been dead by now.

The bullet he spied on the floor next to his foot should have embedded itself into his head and blown his brains out, and yet it laid on the ground, compressed into what he guessed to be half of its usual size.

There was also a _dead_ man sprawled across the floor, severe burn covering his whole body.

For a moment, the teen felt bile rising up his throat, the pungent taste of it already on his tongue. He swallowed forcefully, even though it made his eyes burn with unshed tears, and promptly moved his gaze away from the corpse, focusing on the mobster before him instead.

Red seemed to flicker within the man's eyes, though it disappeared before the teen could properly analyse it. Antoine, if he remembered the name correctly, regarded him coldly. His head tilted to the side and slowly, ever so slowly, a smile spread across his lips. ''Now that's what I would call a surprising turn of events, huh?''

Verde gulped and shut his eyes tightly, moving up one of his hands to rub them.

He did not say a thing.

''Cat got your tongue, hm?'' Antoine chuckled as his thumb and forefinger took a tight hold of the teen's chin. ''Father will be quite pleased to meet you. Though, it's quite unfortunate that he's already got one of _you.''_

That did not sound good, Verde vaguely registered as some of his attention strayed from his adversary to the other occupants of the room. The first one he once again noticed was the dead man on the floor. Green flames seemed to be eating away at his flesh, the same fire also dancing across Verde's own forearms.

The curious thing was, however, that unlike the dead man, Verde _wasn't_ burned by them.

A feeling he did not experience very often almost overwhelmed him as he analyzed the rest of the scene before him. Two more mobsters stood behind Antoine. They seemed to have moved a couple of steps further away from him since the last time he had gazed upon them.

From their body language and the look within their eyes, Verde concluded that they were _afraid._

 _Afraid of him from the looks of it._

Heart pounding harshly, Verde asked with a quivering voice, ''What did you mean with 'one of you'?''

His curiosity and desire for knowledge had always been one of his biggest weaknesses. It had gotten the teen into trouble more than once, the current case certainly not being the first nor the last time something like this happened.

''A Lightning, of course,'' answered the man easily. ''A User of the Green Dying Will Flame.''

Verde tilted his head to the side, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. ''What?''

''You don't know anything about this, do you?'' Waving his hand pointedly in the green fire's direction, Antoine laughed slightly. ''Well, we'll have to rectify that. But first things first.'' At this his eyes moved towards his underlings. ''Louis, Gabriel, take care of the body and make sure to leave no money behind.''

Both men nodded their heads and the one standing on the right side of the door said, ''Sure thing, Boss.''

''Now, as to you, grab your things and come. We're going to Paris,'' uttered the mobster calmly. Then he turned around and started walking towards the exit.

For a moment Verde considered just following him. He did not want to risk the other male's anger, but he also knew that he could not just leave the circus, leave his _family,_ without a word of goodbye.

The Lightning might not have been the most socially inclined or emotional person, but that did not mean that he was completely heartless.

Both his father and Anja deserved to know that he would be fine, even if that meant that he had to leave them behind.

Antoine was already by the door when Verde finally managed to voice his protest. ''Paris? I _can't_ just leave.''

''You can't? You do realize whom you're talking to, right?'' inquired the blonde mobster, his voice curiously amused.

''Yes,'' murmured Verde hesitantly. ''My family, they're leaving in a couple of days and they will worry for me if I just disappear.''

''If that's the case, then we truly can't just leave.'' There was a very mocking quality to his words. The teen ignored it expertly, an instinctive part of him knowing that the power dynamic in the room had shifted ever so slightly the moment Antoine had failed to shoot him.

(...somewhere, deep within a hidden corner of his mind, a predator was slowly coming into existence...

...

...it easily recognized its own potential and the utter _worthlessness_ of the man before them...)

''Yes, we can't,'' said Verde, sounding a lot more confident than he actually was. ''Just let me pack a few things and say goodbye.''

Antoine wouldn't be letting him go, the green haired teen knew that without any doubt. It was clear in the greed that was shining so very obviously in the mobsters eyes and in the way he was still holding his gun tightly in his hand, constantly ready to stop Verde from running.

(...would a gun even work against him?...

...

...the Spaniard had already escaped an attempt on his life once...)

''You're quite brave. That's something you'll need from now on.'' Lips tilting upwards, the mobster looked down at his wristwatch. ''We have to be in Paris at 8 a.m. at the latest, so you have an hour to get your things and do whatever else you want.''

An hour, he had an hour to come up with a feasible plan for his future.

Sighing, Verde massaged his head. Anja was going to _murder_ him.

* * *

XXXVII.

* * *

Anja did not sleep much anymore.

This was largely because her Flames provided her with too much energy. Energy she could not really use up on a normal day. As a child she used to sleep like a rock for at least eight hours per night. Now, she needed only five.

Due to this, the girl knew all about her brother's nightly escapades. The other teen always seemed to disappear on Friday evenings when they were in a slightly larger city, not coming back until the early hours of the next day.

She did not think much of this - Verde, despite his unusual nature, was still a teenage boy, after all - or at least she didn't until the day he turned up earlier than usual with two rather shady looking fellows following closely behind him.

Anja did not stop to properly think about her next course of action, instead moving forward instinctively, the need to protect her brother from this obvious threat almost overwhelming.

''Verde?'' the Cloud questioned, her eyes focusing on the gun one of the strangers had unsuccessfully hidden underneath his clothes.

Wide green eyes settled on her form. When the other teen spoke, his voice was tense and tinged with panic. ''Anja? Why aren't you sleeping?''

Ignoring other people was something the girl had become very proficient at since her debut as Skull de Mort, thus she found disregarding Verde's question very easy. ''What's going on here?''

''You should go back to your bed, girl. None of this has anything to do with you,'' the blonde one uttered calmly as his green eyes racked over Anja's whole body. The expression on his face showed exactly how much he seemed to think of her.

She did not even consider stopping herself from bristling. ''And who the fuck are you?''

Anja had never been one for cussing, but the whole situation just rubbed her the wrong way, bringing out a part of her she normally kept carefully hidden.

Instead of answering her himself, the man motioned towards her, prompting the thug next to him to move. ''A pretty thing such as yourself really shouldn't be talking to the Boss like that,'' he said before reaching out towards her with a hand. Anja's reaction to his doing was an instinctive one. She reached out towards the man and took a hold of his hand, pulling him forward afterwards. Her knee was used to kick his groin, her left hand taking his badly hidden gun all the while.

By the time she pointed the gun at her blonde adversary's head, her first victim was kneeing on the ground before her. Considering the keening sounds that left his mouth, Anja must have kneed him harder than she had first planned.

A wry smile appeared on her lips as she pulled the safety of the gun in her hand. When one took into account the Flames she had pumped into his body during the brief moment their hands had touched, the pain in his groin quickly became quite insignificant.

''Now, I won't ask you again, who the fuck are you?'' Carefully, Anja relaxed the grip she had on the weapon she was holding. It wouldn't do her any good if she fired the gun accidentally, especially as she had never truly learned using one. The only contact the Croatian ever really had with guns was through Yves. Her caretaker was in the possession of such a weapon and Anja had observed him training with it a few times in the past.

A loud gasp diverted her attention towards Verde. The other teen was looking directly into her eyes and it took Anja a few seconds to realize that they were probably _glowing_ a violent purple _._

 _Verde could see her Flames. He could see her very soul being reflected within her eyes as well as the fire slowly spreading all over her skin._

Before she could properly think about the implications of that - if he could see her Flames, Verde had to have activated his own inner soulfire and that meant that her brother had almost _died_ today - the silence between them was interrupted by a slow clapping of hands. The mobster within their midst regarded them with wide, _red_ eyes. ''Marvelous!''

A _Storm_ that very obviously knew about what Anja was. What the hell had Verde gotten himself involved with?

Lowering her arm slightly, Anja pulled the trigger. She barely registered the recoil and the following pain in her wrist. ''Leave. The first shot was a warning, the next one won't miss. Whatever it is you want from us, we won't give it to you.''

''You won't?'' He sounded amused.

''I don't care who you are or what my brother has done to you. You'll leave now or you'll end up just like your friend here.'' She moved her gun in the other mobster's direction. There was blood leaking down the man's face already, dripping from both his nose and eyes. ''Blood vessels all over his body are currently rupturing. He will die of internal bleeding in a minute or two.''

This whole situation needed to be taken care of as soon as possible. The loud sound of the gun being fired had certainly woken up a few people and Anja could not risk them getting involved in this.

''So, you'll kill me, just like that.'' A loud laugh echoed all around them. ''Go on then, do it. Though, you should know that if I'm not in Paris by eight, my father will send his men after this joke of a circus. You might be capable of protecting one or two people in addition to yourself, but there are many more here who'll need your shielding. Are you really ready to risk all of their lives?''

All the blood seemed to flee from Anja's face momentarily. She lowered her arm until the gun hung innocently at her side.

''Good girl,'' he begun, the sounds of his underling chocking on his own blood accompanying his words. ''And as to your question, I'm Antoine Dupuis.''

 _Fuck._


	13. Chapter 13

**Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Have fun.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 13_

 _I Feel Like I'm Drowning_

 _._

 _._

 _._

* * *

 _querencia_ (n.) _The place where one's strength is drawn from; where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self._

* * *

XXXVIII.

* * *

The trip to Paris took six hours.

They spend most of them in an uncomfortable silence which was only interrupted by Antoine from time to time. He asked them questions that were either insignificant or way too personal and seemed to take some pleasure out of irritating them.

By the time they reached their destination, Anja was almost glad that she wouldn't have to suffer from his presence for much longer. That feeling was only dampened by the fact that she would be exchanging Antoine for a bigger evil.

Hadrien Dupuis was a man whom even Anja had heard about. From what little she knew, he was one of the more ruthless mobsters in France. There were whispers on the streets of what he had done to those that had dared to cross him, but ultimately those were only rumors. Anja had no idea how to tell the truth apart from the lies, which meant that she was going in blind.

This was not a prospect she appreciated.

''My father will be delighted to finally meet you, Miss Anja,'' said Antoine, his hands griping the steering wheel firmly as the car moved up the driveway of what had to be his home. ''We've been hearing rumors about a stray Cloud for a few years now, but we did not put much stock in them.''

''Rumors?'' Anja questioned tensely.

The mobster laughed, his shoulders shaking ever so slightly. ''Yeah, rumors. You did not actually think that people wouldn't start noticing all the corpses you've been leaving in your wake, hmm?'' He shook his head. ''Quite a few men have died of internal bleeding because of you over the years. The only reason why so many of us ignored this was because you did not leave any clues as to your identity behind. Chasing a phantom is not something we enjoy doing.''

Biting her lip, Anja pondered this. She had noticed that over the years more and more men came after her. It was to be expected that people started to see a pattern in all of their deaths.

With a tight smile on her lips, the Cloud said, ''I hope I haven't made a bad first impression.''

Antoine looked at her through the rear view mirror and smirked. ''Quite the opposite, really. You'll fit splendidly into our...ah _family.''_

Not having a real answer to that - besides a denial, of course - the girl chose to stay silent. There was no use in insulting the mobster by disputing his statement.

To distract herself from the whole situation, Anja decided to take a hold of her brother's hand. She squeezed the appendage in a gesture of comfort and tried to then calm the already broiling Flames within her.

The Croatian did not manage to do much good in that respect before they arrived before the entrance of the Dupuis mansion. Coming slowly to halt, the car stopped moving only a few meters away from a flight of steps.

Anja immediately took it upon herself to step out of the vehicle, pulling Verde by his hand, thus making sure that he constantly remained behind her. Should anyone try to ambush them, then her body would have to be a good enough protection for the other teen. Anja would protect Verde as long as he could not protect himself.

Admittedly, even if he knew how to properly use his Flames, the Cloud would have still been willing to throw herself in front of every bullet heading his way.

''Come,'' Antoine commanded once he closed the car doors. He did not even turn around to see if they were following him, walking up the stairs instead. The door opened before he reached it and Anja could only grit her teeth tightly at his disrespect as she watched him enter the mansion.

''Don't just stand here,'' Verde hissed quietly, tugging on her hand all the while. Not having a choice in the matter, Anja followed her brother closely.

 _(...the fire within her flared angrily...)_

They arrived inside just in time to hear a blonde girl whisper, '' _Papa_ is awaiting you in his office, Antoine.'' Blue eyes regarded the two siblings. ''He's excited to meet our _guests.''_

''Then we better not keep him waiting,'' countered Antoine easily.

And then they were on their way through the house. Any other time Anja might have taken a minute or two to appreciate the expensive and tasteful decor. As it was, she felt too much like she was walking to her own execution. Her hands trembled a little more with each step she took and soon the Cloud was biting her own tongue until it bled. This was not the first time her Flames were working on overdrive, providing her with much more energy than she could use, but they had rarely before fueled her flight or fight instincts as they did now.

Anja felt nauseous, jittery and above all else _trapped._

 _(...deep within her, a fire was_ spreading _..._

 _..._

 _...if push came to shove, no one, not even her, would survive the_ explosion _this fire would cause...)_

A knock on a door jarred her out of her thoughts. Despite her heightened hearing, Anja barely managed to catch the invitation for them to step inside the office.

She first glimpsed Hadrien Dupuis over his son's shoulder. The man looked both everything and nothing like she had expected. He was tall, with dark brown hair and the same green eyes as his son. His presence was vast and intimidating, made all the worse by the demanding Sky Flames pouring out of each of his pores.

Unlike all the other Skies she had met, this one did not immediately try burying her Flames underneath his own. Aware of her own allure, Anja deducted that the leader of the Dupuis family already had a Cloud Guardian.

Not that he would have presented much of a temptation to her otherwise. Hadrien might have been strong, but he still wasn't strong enough to pull one such as herself in.

''You've finally found your way home, my son,'' was the first thing the middle-aged man uttered.

''Yes.'' Antoine grinned brightly as he continued, ''And I've brought you quiet a present, _Papa._ These are Miss Anja and Mister Verde.''

Anja's smile was more then a little terse when she inclined her head in greeting. ''It's a _pleasure_ to meet you, Monsieur Dupuis. My brother and I, we're honored to be in your presence.''

Hadrien regarded her shrewdly. ''You aren't, though, not really.''

Considering her answer carefully, the purple haired teen tilted her head to the side. ''Clouds generally do not appreciate being forced into anything.''

''No, they don't,'' Hadrien said fluidly, his gaze flickering towards his son for a second. ''That's a lesson very few survive intact, if at all.''

A short moment of silence followed before he proceeded. ''I hope my son has treated you well.''

It was Verde who answered this time around. ''He's been most generous.''

Pulling a face, Anja wondered how such a lie could leave Verde's mouth so easily. She herself was already on the defensive, her hackles rising with each word the mobsters uttered.

''That's good to hear.'' The smile that stretched across his lips was a dangerous thing. ''Well, then, please take a seat. I do believe the time has come for us to take care of some _business.''_

Somehow, Anja just knew that none of this would end well.

* * *

XXXIX.

* * *

Anja didn't know how he did it, but somehow Verde bargained for her freedom and _won._ She never knew her brother to be so diplomatic and _cunning,_ and yet he still turned out to be all that and more.

After all, he managed to strike a deal with a mob boss that involved as many advantages as they could get. He made sure that Anja was _free_ to leave and rejoin the circus whenever she wanted, while Verde himself would receive payment for whatever university he wanted to attend. Her brother secured lodgings and a proper education for himself, as well as a respectable payment for each and every task Hadrien would assign them.

It was more than the Cloud had hoped at the beginning of this entire affair.

''You should leave as soon as possible,'' Verde urged, his back turned towards her as he gazed upon the garden of the Dupuis Mansion. ''If you hurry, you'll be home before nightfall.''

Swallowing visibly, the girl took a step towards him. ''I don't really know what to say.''

And that was a very unfortunate truth. There was so much the two of them had to talk about and yet so little time left to do so.

''You need to leave, Anja, before they change their mind.'' His voice was slightly strained, green eyes flickering towards her over his shoulder.

Anja clenched her fists. ''I can't just leave you here.''

''You can and you will.'' A sigh of irritation followed that sentence. ''Besides, you've managed to leave me out of the loop for so long. What's another disappointment in the grand scheme of things?''

His intent to hurt was quite clear and not unwarranted, but it still managed to make Anja wince. ''That's not fair. It's not as if I had a choice in this, Verde.''

''No choice? What, did you not think it important to mention that you're apparently some kind of serial killer in the possession of magical rainbow-colored Flames,'' the Lightning told her, sounding more than a little incredulous.

''Of course it's important, but that does not necessarily make it easy to tell.'' Anja chuckled humorlessly. ''What would you have done in my place? Just come up to me and said: Oh, by the way, killing people has become somewhat of a habit for me and I've discovered these awesome superpowers when my father died.''

''That might have just been for the better,'' Verde spat, the venom within his eyes clear. ''If I had known the truth, things might have turned out differently.''

Hearing that, Anja deflated slightly. Her fingers tugged nervously at the hem of her shirt as she murmured softly, ''It's not as easy as that, Verde. People outside the Mafia, they're _not_ allowed to know about the Dying Will Flames. The Omerta prevents us all from saying anything to outsiders.''

Eyebrow furrowing, Verde inquired, ''The Omerta?''

''It's a Vow of Silence.'' She paused, eyes darting left and right to make sure that no one was listening in.''Those who do not abide by it are hunted down by the _Vindice._ They are not someone on whose bad side you want to get on, believe me. The Vindice are _not_ known for their mercy.''

''So, you're telling me that the Mafia doesn't just have magical rainbow flames but also their very own boogeyman,'' Verde voiced, pinching his nose with the forefinger and thumb of his right hand.

Despite his apparent anger, her brother did not flinch away from her touch. Instead, he just leaned into the hand she put on his shoulder and looked down at the ground, certainly feeling more than a little lost.

''I know it sounds crazy, but-'' A loud laugh interrupted Anja before she could finish. Verde's whole body was shacking as he spoke, ''My whole life has turned into one big crazy a few hours ago.''

Not knowing what to say in response to that, the Cloud stayed quiet until her mind calmed down a little and she settled on a gently whispered, ''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you got pulled into this mess.''

Nothing she would ever say could make the happenings of the last few hours alright, and yet Anja hoped that her words and touch could still offer her brother at least a little comfort.

At end, those were the only two things she could truly give to him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Please leave a review.**

 **Summary: She has always envied the clouds. (Or: In which dreams are fulfilled in the most peculiar ways and a young girl gets reincarnated as the future Cloud Arcobaleno.) [SI, Self-Insert/OC-Insert as femSkull]**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 _Nobody Sees Me Wishing_

 _Chapter 14_

 _Nobody Said It Was Easy_

 _._

 _._

 _._

* * *

 _novaturient_ (adj.) _desiring or seeking powerful change in one's life, behavior, or situation_

* * *

XL.

* * *

''You'll miss your train if you linger any longer,'' Verde informed her, looking down at the watch encircling his wrist. It was an old thing, with visible scratches all over the golden metal and a worn leather strap. From what she knew, the boy had gotten it from his father for his sixteenth birthday.

''I-'' Hopelessness lingered within Anja's heart as she gazed around the train station, saw the way people rushed by them in a hurry, clearly trying to reach their transport in time, and realized how little time she truly had left with her brother. ''You can still come with me.''

''We both know that's impossible.'' His eyes softened around the edges. ''I'll be fine, Anja. You don't have to worry about me.''

A part of her was glad that Verde decided to part from her without any anger souring their goodbye. Another part just wanted to force him to come with her, no matter the consequences. ''You know that's not that easy.''

''I know,'' he agreed easily, his arms twitching almost hesitantly in her direction. Only their years of familiarity allowed Anja to perceive this gesture for what it truly was and thus react accordingly.

With one fluid move the girl stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her brother's waist. ''We don't really have a choice, huh?''

In answer Verde chuckled bitterly. Not even the promise of a fully paid education managed to cloud his understanding of their situation; If there ever was such a thing as a deal with the devil, then that's exactly what they had been roped into a few hours ago.

Leaning slightly backwards, the Cloud gripped Verde's arms tightly. ''If you ever feel unsafe or if they try to pressure you into something you truly don't want, let me know.''

The Spaniard sighed loudly. ''Even if it were to come to this, what could you of all people do?''

Eyes flaring a deep violet in response, Anja met her brother's gaze with her own. _''Whatever_ is necessary.''

And that was the truth of the matter. It might have been startling to realize, but deep down Anja had always known that she would do _anything_ to keep her loved ones, especially her brother, safe.

 _Even if 'anything' meant starting a war with one of the biggest crime syndicates in France, thus sacrificing the safety of most members of the 'Lanterne Française'._

* * *

XLI.

* * *

The slackline wobbled perilously underneath her, forcing Anja to sway from side to side. Expertly, she threw her arms to both sides and swung them erratically up and down. One of her legs was raised upwards as she grinned daringly at the audience below.

Her actions drew oohs and ahhs from the crowd and her consecutive bow prompted them all to clap loudly. Even if she had wanted to, Anja could not have stopped herself from grinning brightly that very moment. There was something incredibly addicting about the audience's admiration and all the other emotions she could so easily evoke in them.

With one last wave of her hand, Anja started making her way towards the end of the slackline. She bounded across it, each of her steps propelling her a little higher. By the end, she found herself being pushed far enough to perform one last somersault, from which she then gracefully landed on the platform that would lead her to the ground.

''And that was the Great Skull de Mort!'' Yves shouted from his position in the middle of the menege. ''Ladies and Gentlemen, please, a round of applause for the woman hated by the Grim Reaper himself!''

A deafening applause followed his exclamation and only became higher in volume once Anja reached her guardian's side and started to bow theatrically. The grin that stole over her face was a real one as were the feelings the crowd's appreciation inspired.

It was with a final bow and a few widely thrown kisses that Anja started to remove herself from the main tent.

The euphoria she felt diminished ever so slightly when she realized that there was no one waiting for her. Normally, Verde tended to lurk outside the main tent in wait for her, but he wasn't there anymore.

Anja took a moment to wonder when exactly she had let the boy become such an integral part of her life. When he became so important to her that his missing presence was constantly felt.

 _Even three months later the Cloud had not managed to get used to having her brother practically gone from her life._

When Anja had first arrived back home without Verde at her side, many of her fellow circus members had been worried by this development. She had managed to placate them with a lie of Verde having received and impromptu and lucrative job offer that he could either immediately accept or have slip out of his grasp. He accepted, of course, and Anja, as the dutiful sister that she was, had to go with him to make sure that everything was truly as great as his employers said.

Most believed this easily enough. The problem were those who did _not._

For one, Viktor immediately seemed to know that something was amiss. Anja suspected that the man had long since guessed what his son had been getting himself involved with during his nightly escapades.

Yves reaction was similar to Verde's father. Her male guardian had not quite managed to _not_ regard her with suspicion ever since the incident when she literary defied death before his very eyes.

The rest of their small family was fortunately entirely blind to the crap they had gotten themselves involved with.

She could only hope that it would stay this way.

* * *

XLII.

* * *

Taking another sip of moonshine, Anja listened to the radio reporting the news about the Emergency March on Washington against the increased bombing of North Vietnam. Her ears strained to hear the piece of information over Iliana's loud commentary on the topic and her general dislike of both armed conflict and war.

''It's all just so _pointless_ ,'' the Bulgarian finished and then proceeded to take the bottle rudely out of Anja's hands. As she raised the alcohol towards her mouth, Iliana looked over at Anja and smirked slightly, only for the expression to change into a grimace when the first sip of the liquid touched her tongue.

The Cloud smiled languidly and leaned against the tree at her back. Her mouth had gone numb to the burning taste a while ago.

''How about a change of topic?'' Matías, who was the catcher in their circus' aerial cradle performance, suggested. Relief appeared on more than one face within their little circle, which Anja could very easily comprehend. Even though she wholeheartedly agreed with the other girl's opinion, talking with Iliana about anything even just vaguely related to politics was always a very exhausting endeavor.

Humming in agreement, the Croatian said, ''Did you know that Eric eloped with the daughter of an English aristocrat? Apparently they'll be joining us in a weeks time.''

''What?'' Iliana leaned forward, lost her balance, and managed to catch herself in the last moment. ''Where did you hear that?''

''Where do you think I heard this?'' Mouth curling into a soft smirk, Anja continued in with a self-satisfied voice. ''Iwona told me, of course. She knows about everything that goes on in this madhouse.''

A pout appeared on the other girl's lips. ''Couldn't you have said something earlier? I've been wondering for weeks what the hell is actually going on with Eric.''

Another member of their small group laughed loudly at that. ''You mean you've been wondering why Eric did not want to continue your nightly _rendezvous_ anymore.''

Anja wasn't surprised to see Iliana clumsily hit Célia in retaliation. ''You're such a bitch.''

''That's probably not something you should say when Eric arrives with his new wife,'' Matías inferred, his eyes alight with amusement. ''You might hurt the girl's aristocratic sensibilities with such a language.''

With her ruffled blonde hair and petulant expression, Iliana did not manage to look all that intimidating as she focused her attention on the young adult. ''It's not as if I need him.'' All tension seemed to leave her body with a huff and a roll of her eyes. ''There are many other good looking men in the circus anyways.''

An encouraging smile graced Anja's lips. ''Yeah, I heard that Marcus has set his eyes on you.''

Had Anja drunk a little less, then she might have been a little more careful when it came to this entire topic. Iliana was one of her best friends and she certainly did not want to see her harmed. But the truth was that for all that the other girl might have had her pride hurt by Eric choosing to marry another one, she wasn't _devastated_ by it.

Iliana did not love Eric. The other girl was rather flimsy when it came to such matters. One day she had found herself 'in love' with Eric, the next she was already going out with another one of her suitors.

''Really?'' Smiling conspiratorially, Iliana passed the bottle to Célia. ''Then I might just have to join him tomorrow at dinner.''

Already used to such a behavior, Anja smiled and looked over to Matías, only to see him already watching her in return. A hesitant expression crossed his face before it was quickly replaced with determination. His hand slid against her own, not restricting her appendage in any way and allowing her to chose where they would go with this.

After a moment of hesitation, the Croatian allowed their fingers to thread together. Then she softly squeezed the others hand in reassurance.

(...Anja was quite curious...

...

...as Eliza she had not had the chance to fall in love and truly be with another person and...

...

...

...and, well, she liked Matías and considering the overtures he had been making for the last few weeks, the same thing seemed to apply the other way around...)

Célia pretended to gag as she pushed the bottle towards Matías. ''I must must say I almost prefer our previous topic to _this.''_

A loud groan was the first answer she received to that. Almost to quiet to hear, the only male in their small group muttered, ''Don't get her started again.''

''What's that supposed to mean?'' An indignant expression crossed the Bulgarian's face, her cheeks flushed red and eyes slightly glazed. ''You wanna repeat that?''

Matías immediately raised his hands in surrender. ''No, no, it was nothing.''

Hair swaying slightly in the wind, Célia snickered softly. ''You're such a sissy, Matías.''

''Hey, that's not fair.'' He pouted dramatically. ''I just know how to pick my battles.''

The dark haired girl picked at a small hole in her acrobat costume. ''Yeah, _sure_.''

Anja couldn't help but chuckle at their interaction. Her gaze roved over them all - over Iliana and Célia and Matias - and an expression both soft and intense slid over her face as her eyes momentarily flared a violent _purple._

The three of them were hers and hers alone.

 _(...without even truly realizing it, Anja became a Cloud with a territory made entirely out of people and red and yellow colored circus tents...)_


End file.
